Dancing With Depression

Chapter 1

I stared up at the ceiling, my stomach turning and fluttering with nerves. Tomorrow was my first day of high school and while I was excited, I was also wicked nervous. It felt like such a big place, with so many people, and so many rooms. I was terrified of showing up to a class, sitting down for attendance, just to find out it was the wrong room and having to find my way to the right one. My stomach flipped as I thought about walking into a silent classroom in the middle of our first lecture. Loser.

I closed my eyes. It hasn't happened yet. It won't happen. I've checked and rechecked my schedule and the room numbers and I would not be that girl. My heart beat faster just thinking about how embarrassing that would be. But it's not going to happen I had to remind myself.

Sighing, I pushed myself up and jumped off my bed. I had to find something to occupy my time or I was going to make myself crazy. I should probably attempt to unpack more, but I didn't feel like it. I had already done loads of packing and unpacking in the last few weeks and the thought of doing more made me yawn.

I loved our house. It was the first time I got to have my own room, and my own space
since I was little. Moving, however, was not something I loved. It was too damn hot to be lugging all those heavy boxes around. Especially when the place we were moving out of regularly turned into a hot box in the summer. And all the packing. Gross. I never even went through half of my stuff, I just threw it into boxes and hoped for the best. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have done that, as I can't find anything I want without sorting through fifty boxes of junk. I shrugged to myself. "Whatever!" I scolded myself. "Chaos is my middle name."

Sighing even deeper I turned to my closet and pulled out a box. Pulling the flaps up and folding them over I stared at it's contents. Jumbled wires, colored pencils, and tons of other random little things filled it. I was looking for a book, and this was obviously not the box for books. I shoved it aside and carefully dug another box out. It felt heavy, bingo! Eagerly I flipped the flaps over; I couldn't wait to get my hands on one of the books I'd got just before we moved. Hush Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick had me completely trapped within the first few pages that delved into the life of Nora Grey. I had to know more.

Digging through a few other books I'd already finished, I finally found it. Grabbing it eagerly out of the box, I jumped up and skipped down the stairs. It was too nice out to sit inside, so I decided to read under the big pine tree in the front yard. Settling into the lush grass, leaning against the rough bark, I opened to the first chapter and let myself get lost within the pages.

The alarm next to my bed began screeching it's awful song to me at 5:45 the next morning. My heart immediately jumped into my throat. My first day of high school lay before me. I had never been so nervous. I could feel my anxiety bubbling up, making me tremble. I took a deep breath and started getting dressed.

I had chosen a t-shirt with the silhouette of a galloping horse that said Just Ride, blue jeans and sneakers. No point in going overboard, I knew much better than to try for anything more. My self esteem lived in the gutter; I had a very low opinion of myself. Trying to wear anything other than a t-shirt and jeans generally didn't work well for me. I would be too critical, get frustrated and upset, rip everything off and settle for what I was comfortable in. I was going to look like a potato no matter what I did, so I might as well have been a comfortable potato.

I pulled my hair back into a meticulously tight ponytail and sprayed the fly-aways down. I skipped down the stairs, through the living room and kitchen, into the bathroom. I glanced at myself in the mirror while I brushed my teeth. I never saw anything remotely pretty when I looked in the mirror, just a smattering of freckles and pimples. Other than those blemishes, I was pale as could be. Dirty blonde hair that fell nearly to my butt in constantly tangled waves. I could brush it for an hour and it would be tangled again in minutes.