Kindling the Spark

Strike Four

19: Strike Four

Katniss POV

I slowly approach Finnick, who has tears slowly dripping down his cheeks. He must have been very close to Mags. She was his mentor before, wasn't she? And he must have been with her in the mentor room for years. Now she's dead. And it was my fault. If I had looked where I was going and hadn't tripped, she would still be alive.

She made a choice to give up her life for yours though, a voice in my head whispers. It wasn't your fault that she decided to jump off Finnick's back into the burning fog for you. It wasn't your fault that Finnick didn't catch up and decide to carry her instead. But I know that it is my fault.

Why did she do that? Mags is old, around eighty, so I suppose that it could have been that she lived her life and just wanted to save mine. But why would Finnick have come back for me? I'm a good ally yes, skilled with the bow and arrow, twelve in training. But I'm also a target and not worth the risk of going back into the burning fog for. Especially as our alliance had eight people in it back then. Seven now.

And then when we were at the cornucopia. An eight person alliance- even if Beetee, Wiress and Mags weren't going to fight- would definitely beat a three person alliance. So why did we decide that it was too dangerous and leave? Was it that they were protecting me? I know that these are rebellion victors that I'm allied with, but are they really willing to give up their lives so that I can live. It seems that they are. All along, they've been trying to protect me. Even Johanna.

It's a lot of responsibility knowing that all of these people are willing to give up their lives for me. No, more than just these seven. The people in the Districts during my victory tour who were rebelling, surely they must have known. Or did they? They looked so hopeful, blinded by the fact that I defied the Capitol and got away with it. Hardly got away with it really. The people who had been shot, almost in front of me.

They're all willing to die for this rebellion and I am at the centre of it. What if I mess it all up? If I die in these Games through a simple mistake like tripping then all of their sacrifices will have been for nothing. And I could so easily mess up. Can I really outwit the Capitol's best strategists if I only just realised that the other victors were protecting me? I'm playing Snow's game at the moment, just waiting for the moment when enough people rise up that it can become open.

Part of me is horrified at that idea: the idea of open war, the Capitol dropping bombs over Panem, shooting the people of the Districts, like we were taught about in the history of the first rebellion. What if all that I'm doing is dooming the citizens of Panem to an even worse future, like the original rebels did.

But on the other hand it will be a huge relief. No more acting like I love the Capitol and secretly trying to stir up rebellion. No more having to restrain myself whenever I'm around Snow or his followers. Just the simply reality of killing as many Capitol soldiers as possible. By that time I'll just be one more soldier. Nothing special.

"Finnick?" I ask. "I'm sorry about what happened to Mags. It was my fault."

For a moment he says nothing. Then I reel backwards from the punch he gives me. His trident is held in front of him defensibly. I raise my hand to my cheek. The pain is spreading across my face. That will leave a bruise. I deserve it though and I can't be angry at him, he did save my life after all.

Haymitch plucks the trident from his hands. "We're an alliance," he growls at Finnick. "If you're going to attack us, you'll have to leave the alliance. I know that you're upset about Mags- everyone who knew her is- but she's dead. You have to move on. We're still in the Games, we need to think rationally. You can deal with your emotions after."