School Troubles [Ereri]

Chapter 8

Levi opened his eyes to see simple darkness for the umpteenth time. He pressed the home button on his phone to make the screen light up and saw that it was 04h17. At least it was a few hours after he had last checked.

After lights out, Levi just couldn't manage to sleep and had turned his phone on to listen to some music. He focused on the lyrics instead of everything else that threatened to surface in his mind, but he reached the end of his Playlist without falling asleep. He had gotten himself some water and tried again, but sleep only came in short waves.

He sighed and sat up. He might just as well get out of bed if he wasn't going to manage to do much more than rolling around by staying in bed. He made his bed and took his clothes before going to the bathrooms. The halls were quiet and besides the occasional snore, Levi could barely hear the sound of his bare feet making contact with the cold floor.

The florescent lights in the bathroom were blinding, forcing Levi to squint while he walked to the shower at the very back. He dropped his clothes on the bench against the wall opposite the shower and closed his eyes while pulling his PJ's off of him. It was even colder now that he was naked, but he embraced it and moved slowly to get the shower started. 

Cold water hit his skin and Levi simply stood in it until the water started warming up. He adjusted it to get the temperature that he wanted and then just stood there. His mind was a buzzing blank space that threatened to turn into a headache at any second.

Everyone hated him. He's a waste of time according to Farlan, and Eren said he's not worth it. The bitter blue bruise on Farlan's jaw was his fault, and so is everything else. He regrets ever getting involved at all and now feels like crying instead of smiling when thinking of how kind Eren had been to him.

Eren is probably never going to talk to him again and Farlan would only have hurtful things to say to him. Jean was still there, but Levi didn't want to be the reason why he and his roommate don't get along.

There wasn't really anyone else. He had always just had his two friends and they were all that he had ever needed, but now both of them were out of reach. Because Levi couldn't make up his mind. Because he felt like he owed Farlan something. Now he owes him nothing. Whatever they had had was now gone, even if there had been unfinished things. 

But it came at a cost. Levi lost the relationship that had given him hope because he had waited until Eren was tangled in his dirty laundry and still didn't do anything to try and fix things. Thinking back, it's no surprise that Eren would give up on him. 

He gave up on himself a long time ago, too, he realized, because now he was hollow. Was he a ghost of his former self or has the illusion that he had ever been something finally dissipated, he did not know. If he'd ever be able to fill himself again, he didn't know either. That everything hurt, was all that he did know.

Levi slid down the shower wall and sat on the cool tile floor. He didn't want to leave the comfort of the warm water that would hide the tears if they ever chose to escape him. It wasn't until he heard someone else start a shower that he pulled himself together and turned off the water. He did a pretty pathetic job at drying himself off and felt uncomfortable in his uniform that stuck to the still wet parts of his skin. 

A few more boys were already in the bathroom by the time Levi was ready to leave. He walked the other way around to his room to make sure that he didn't bump into Farlan along the way. He knocked on the door to his room and opened it when Brandon didn't answer. "I'm up." His roommate answered from beneath his sheets without even opening his eyes.

Levi looked at his already made bed and then at the bundle of blankets covering his roommate. Without saying anything, Levi stepped closer to the bed and climbed onto it. He curled up on the foot of the bed, pulling himself into a small ball with his head resting in the bend of Brandon's legs under the blanket.