Revived

Intoduction

I was sitting alone, in a train heading to London, strangely there was no one but me and some guy... I was too busy with my thoughts that I didn't even bother to look at him or to notice anything suspicious. I couldn't care less anymore, was he a murderer? was it normal for this train to be empty? where is everyone? will he approach me?

All these questions mean nothing, as life goes on I realized I should count on myself, nothing is surprising anymore, I've been there before : rape, violence, mental abuse. I have nothing left to lose, and nothing to look forward to. I've been in love, happy, proud, strong... if anything I think I'm ready to die, what more do I have to experience?

The guy came and sat next to me, I didn't look up... then the started the hum and mumble something, a tune... he was trying to sing, obviously he doesn't know the lyrics.

"I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you" I said. He was surprised.

"those are the lyrics to the song you're trying to sing The night we met by Lord Huron" I continued, still without looking at him.

"it's my favorite song" he replied "I'm Harry".

"Angela" I still haven't seen his face.

He reach out his hand in front of me "nice to meet you, what a lovely name you have" he said.

I didn't shake his hand, the train stopped, we were in London.

I grabbed my backpack and my headphones and left, without saying a word and knowing his face. I could feel him walking behind me... huh same destination, just the two of us.

I made my way to my apartment and took a hot bath, I called my psychiatrist and checked for our session tomorrow. My roommate left and now I was left alone in this place with my demons, perfect. You can't wait to leave your parents' house and then you're stuck with your brain trying to survive.

Why am I still here? what purpose do I have? I never knew why I was born, yeah my parents wanted kids and all that stuff, but why me? why is my soul trapped in this body? in this world?

I know what you're thinking : why don't you commit suicide if you're so ready to die and already lived your life to the fullest? well suicide is a risky topic, I never liked it. My mind doesn't work that way, somehow even in my deepest darkest thoughts and pain I still find light and happiness, a little piece of hope caused by the thought " what if I was the one to help others live? what if I didn't need a savior, what if I was the hero for someone?"

I let out a sigh... come on Ange, don't give in to your thoughts and remember what your doctor said :"I've had a lot of patients who suffered from depression, but you're to only come who hasn't collapsed" that must mean something great, maybe I am improving.

And suddenly I had a flashback of that boy on the train, I hope he didn't think I was too rude... I mean I know it was rude, but... it's not my fault... I don't open up to people, I'm not that friendly, I have trust issues ... and can you blame me for that?

Who cares anyways, it's not like we'll ever meet again, London is small but you'll rarely manage to meet the same people twice by coincidence.