Twisted High

Ⅰ. ⓐⓕⓣⓔⓡⓜⓐⓣⓗ

Ⅰ. ⓐⓕⓣⓔⓡⓜⓐⓣⓗ

~Friday, April 18th~

It's been 2 days since the funeral, about 2 weeks since the accident, and Dad hasn't come out of his room. He hasn't eaten, bathed, or even used the bathroom since the ceremony. After he identified the charred bodies at the hospital, we were taken to the house to see the extent of the damage. Dad burst into tears as soon as we pulled up. The second floor had completely collapsed, and there was literally nothing left standing but a couple of singed doorways. The house inspector told us the cost to repair the house, but Dad couldn't stand to see it rebuilt knowing that it'd just be him and I, so the house is set to be demolished tomorrow at 2. My own car keys were burned in the fire, so my car was towed to the dealership and we're waiting on the factory to send another key. I myself haven't slept, and I've barely eaten. I've been left alone to cope with the guilt of knowing that my mother and sisters are dead because of me. There was a child about to be brought into the world, but never got to see Mom and Dad's faces. Never got to see the light of day, all because of me. I'm...I'm a murderer. Although I feel guilty enough, I don't think I could bring myself to take my own life. I can't do that to Dad, but I ain't above self harm. Right now, I'm in the shower and the water is on the hottest temperature. I deserve to burn in hell for what I did, so I guess this is the next best thing. It felt like small rocks of molten lava were pelting my skin as I stood there, the steam fogging up our bathroom. Hot tears raced down my cheeks as I cried my eyes out. Why me? Why us? What did I do to deserve this? After 20 more minutes of substitue hell, I decided I'd had enough for now and got out the shower. Once I dried off, put on the same clothes I'd been wearing since the fire, and went back into the living room, I was surprised to see my father outside of his room for once. He was in the kitchen looking at the room service menu. Since I'd been using it for the past couple of days, I suggested a meal that I actually did eat.

"The lemon pepper tilapia is pretty good." I said hoping he'd talk to me.

All he did was nod his head and continue looking over the menu like I hadn't said anything. I sighed and turned on the tv.

"Yeah I'll have the tilapia dinner..." he said as he walked into his room and closed the door. I half smiled to myself and looked over at my phone. It had been blowing up with messages, voicemails and notifications since before the accident. In all honesty, I was kind of scared to see how everyone would react to this whole situation. I had to leave the funeral early because I couldn't take it. It was closed casket of course, but I couldn't bare the sight of my family's bodies being lowered into the ground, specifically my mom's being that she was buried with my little sister still inside of her. I feel as though my whole family hates me. Grandpa wouldn't look at me, and my aunts, uncles and cousins gave me dry condolences as if I wasn't hurting as much, if not more than they were. It's like they were forgetting that I had actually lost my mother. The woman that carried me for 9 months, and endured excruciating pain to bring my stupid ass into this world. Who would've thought that the same child she brought into this world, would be the one to take her out of it so soon? These are the types of thoughts that go through my mind daily, and I really don't know how to get better. I don't know how to mourn without beating myself up. Evey time I think about it, I always result to the same thing- hurting myself. I looked over at the white plastic hanger that was holding my dad's funeral clothes and took it out. I bent it until it until it broke and grabbed the sharp piece I broke. Tears pooled in my eyes as I carved into my skin.

"I M S O R R Y"

As I carved the last letter, Dad came out of the room to put the menu back. I dropped the piece and kicked it under my bed as fast as I could. He glanced at me in confusion before walking back into his room. I went into the bathroom to see my new scar. I really need help. I walked back out, sat back on the couch and eventually fell asleep. Later, I was awakened by the smell of dinner; Well dad's dinner anyway. He was standing in the kitchen eating when he looked at me and saw that I was awake.