Formula One - One Shots

{TRIGGER-WARNING!!} Doubts [Lewis Hamilton / Valtteri Bottas]

A/N: 

I had some hard anxiety attacks a few days back & to get everything off my mind, I wrote this song one shot. I want you all to know that none of this what's described in here has happened. I'm strong enough since over a year not doing it, that's why I had to write it down ~ to get rid of these dark thoughts.

Please promise me that you'll never do anything like that to yourselfes. I know it's hard sometimes, espcially when your mind won't shut up but you can do it! I believe in you!! ♥

The song is "Doubt" by Twenty One Pilots.

Even though this is heavy stuff, I hope you'll like it.

~~~~

Scared of my own image,

scared of my own immaturity...

You were on the way to meet Lewis for a romantic evening when you saw your reflection in a shop window. You stopped and looked at yourself. "Oh my god, I look gross!" you whispered to yourself and let your fingers run through your hair. 'I can't go and see Lewis like this...' your anxiety crawled up your neck. You closed your eyes and tried to laugh at it. Why wouldn't he want to see you? You both were dating for so long now. You got intimitate, enjoyed every single minute together, even your brother Valtteri could not imagine anyone else together but you two. You laughed at youself "Damn Y/N you're so stupid sometimes" your feet started to walk again, pulling your eyes away from the shop window. 'your makeup isn't on point at all!' 'Did you see that one strand of hair that wasn't put perfectly in place?' 'Oh god, if only Jules would be here...' you abruptly stopped... You could not do this. You could not go having an awesome evening with your boyfriend while looking that awful. He would hate you for showing up like this. Your mind was right. If only Jules was there to help you getting ready fot this...Valtteri and you missed him so badly. You felt a tear dropping down your cheek and then you started to run. You ran like someone was chasing you. You ran out of town, into the woods.'you're so selfish! Val is missing your best friend too & you are crying like a baby because you could have needed him to help you with useless beauty stuff! He wouldn't even have bothered. He was a dude!'

Scared of my own ceiling,

scared I'll die of uncertainty

Your feet tangled up in a tree root and you fell flat on your chest. The tumble took your breath away and you let out a blurble noise. You snatched up, feeling a piercing pain 'doesn't matter, I deserve this' you slog yourself along to a place where you were sure nobody would find you, not even Valtteri who used to play with u as kids here in the woods. You pulled your legs closer to your body and took your bag. You opened it and searched for something. It took you a little time but then you found it. A razor, that you hid deep in your bag, so your brother wouldn't find it and hide it from you. He hated it, when you hurt yourself. He, your family and Lewis tied EVERYTHING to make you feel better. You suffered from anxiety and depression since school and the loss of Jules . That was two years ago but you could not stop missig him...Val always said he could not too but he was the one who could handle it better...Since you were with Lewis, you felt a little better but he could not help you either. You pulled up the arms of your sweatshirt and set the razor to your arm. You knew this would hurt but it would also relieve a lot of the pain in your head 'come on Y/N do it' you sighted. Your mind would not shut up until you did it and so you set the first cut. It burned a little and then you took the second, the third....