it seemed the only choice i had was to leave .
all you were doing is sucking the life out of me .
and for once -
i was over it .
you were killing me .
the way you smiled in another direction .
the way your hands shook while you told you me you were doing okay .
the hold you had on me when we hugged .
the tremble in your lip every time i was blessed with your laugh .
that god awful far away look you gave the sky ,
like this world wasn't yours anymore .
it was killing me .
this monster you'd become of yourself .
and it wasn't you i was over ,
oh god no .
it was watching you kill yourself .
and knowing there wasn't a goddamn thing on this earth that was gonna bring you back to life .
hadn't i tried that enough to know .?
and i think i deserved more than that .
than to watch the thing i loved most , tear itself apart .
you had no care for how you were affecting others and it killed me .
you ,
killed me .
the old you most of all .
the way you used to hold my hand and kiss my forehead .
the way you used to threaten me when i said i was cutting my hair .
the way you slept in my bed ,
like you didn't want to be anywhere else .
the way everything changed in the blink of an eye .
