Never Forgotten [ r.l ]

1.

Rayan.

It's my fourth month without her

And She had no idea how much I wanted to embrace her weakened body as she laid there. Breathing calmly, her chest rising slowly and then weakly floating back down. It was good to know she was alive even if she didn't respond. It was just good to know. She looked pleased as she continued to be engaged with the deep slumber she was in. I hoped she was dreaming about me or that she could possibly feel my presence from here.i shook my head at the silly thought, she wasn't conscious and the coma she was in wasn't lucid. No thoughts ran through her mind, no brain activity at all. I frowned upon the reality of it. She wasn't awake and I needed her desperately. I missed the long conversations we'd have as I walked her home. The laughs we shared when we spent time together. Hell, right now I was even missing an argument. I took deep observations as I stared at her longer. It was only up until the incident that I realized her true beauty. Of course I thought she was beautiful but it showed most these last few months. I felt so ungrateful when I thought about the times we fought. The times when we didn't want to talk to each other, just knowing that right now, I would kill just for her to say one sentence. They say it was helpful if you talk to them even if they can't reply. I felt like it would be awkward but I did it anyway. "Journee...I know you're not gonna respond or anything but- I don't care." I said tears filling my eyes. It was hard for me to be acceptant of this. It's been 4 months without her already and I haven't even got past that step yet. Many people have tried to help me but nothing was working.

After a long while, I grasped her soft hand and looked at her closed eye lids. I then kissed her forehead with tenderness. Usually I'd sing to her or something like that but , I just stopped. I stayed less and less time at her bed in room 213. I could tell I was losing all hope. All the hope I had for anything had been literally stolen from my body.

I tried not to be so depressed about it but the thought of her being just so close to death, would never leave my head. I could pretend I was happy in front of the people I loved. I knew how tiring and utterly painful it was to watch someone you care about be depressed but when it all came down to just me, Alone, I was saddened to a extent I could not explain in words. There were no words to explain how I felt when it was only Journee and I in that room. With her just lying there in the hospital bed hooked up to so many machines and me on the other side, holding her fragile and almost lifeless hand with her eyes closed. I felt like it was a wall between us. I couldn't communicate with her and it crushed me to the core. I was broken from that.

I couldn't take the long hours staying here anymore. It felt just useless. There was clearly nothing I could do.

It was almost 8:00 pm, the time that visiting hours were ended. I took in a deep breath as I stood from the hard chair, gave Journee one last look and left.

The regular receptionist wished me a good night in a perky voice, I didn't even have the strength to respond.

The ride home was long and quiet as I slowly made my way to my house. Most days, I would go stop by her parents house and keep updated on how they're doing but it was too late for that. They'd think I was crazy. Plus, they already don't favor me as much.

##

I threw my book bag on the floor as I entered the house. Even though I was in a room full of people, I felt empty.

"Hey momma" I yelled at the bottom of the stairs. she peeped down the stairs and waved at me as she babbled on the phone with one of her friends.

My brother Tay Tay then snaked his arms on my leg and looked up at me with a smile that brightened my mood by 10. His eyes literally lit up when he saw me. "Heeeeey" I said picking his short stubby body up and putting him on my hip.