Count On Me | Niam

Chapter Eighty-Two

Liam/Niall

"How long have you known?"

Liam's voice was quiet, disturbing the silence and darkness that had fallen across their bedroom. The clock on his nightstand indicated that it was gone midnight, but he knew that Niall was still awake. He hadn't heard his breathing even out, hadn't had to steal back his share of the duvet and he hadn't ended up wrapped around Niall, his nose pressed into his skin, how they always ended up invariably tangled together, and so he'd known.

They should have had this discussion earlier but Chloe, with great timing as always, had disturbed them, wandering back into the kitchen, oblivious to them and proclaiming that she either needed dinner or a snack to put her on until dinner. The much-needed adult conversation had been put off, and Liam had unwilling let go of Niall to find something that Chloe would find acceptable for dinner, hoping that she'd choose to leave and go back to her room or the TV until dinner, but she hadn't, and then Niall had gone to bed before dinner was even over, claiming that he was tired. He hadn't bought it but he hadn't known whether or not to press the issue, or how to, not wanting to start something in front of Chloe that they'd have to finish or resolve.

So he was asking now, his voice quiet and tone gentle, hoping that Niall wouldn't force him to have to coax him into answering, all of his questions bubbling over until he didn't care that Niall hadn't answered him. "How long have you known? How far...along are you? Why didn't you tell me? Does- Does anyone else know yet? Is- This is- It was on tour, right? That first night?"

His final question was the one that broke Niall out of the shocked sort of stupor he'd been in all evening.

"Is- Is this even what you want?"

That question, and the uncertainty written throughout Liam's voice, caused Niall's heart to break and his hand sought out Liam's under the blankets, linking their fingers together and nodding uselessly before he managed to get out any actual words. "Yes. I think so. Yes, Li. It is. And I've known for...six, six weeks. I'm nine weeks pregnant, Li. Tour. That first night. Fuck it, remember? No one knows properly, I don't think, though Sam suspects. He was there, when I bought the tests."

Liam's hand squeezed Niall's and Niall let out a shaky breath, both relieved and somewhat terrified by what he'd said, though the weight of Liam laying next to him and the pressure of Liam's palm against his did something to relieve that. They were silent for a moment after that, and Niall began to pray that Liam would say something soon. It took a while but Liam did, still quiet but sounding more self-assured as he said, "I remember. Fuck it. Just that night, but hey. It was our choice, and this...it's not a bad thing. This is what I want, what you do too."

Just hearing Liam say that lifted a weight from Niall's chest, making it easier for him to let himself think about things in a way he hadn't allowed himself to do until then. He rolled over, facing Liam properly for the first time all night and trying for a smile that Liam almost returned. Niall had hoped that would be it, that he could fall asleep wrapped in Liam and just let things lie for a little while, until he'd gotten used to knowing that Liam knew, but Liam pulled himself upright and away from Niall, leaning back against the headboard, obviously thinking through something. "You still haven't said why you didn't tell me..."

Niall felt a twinge of guilt or pain or some sort of hurt then, as Liam spoke, something akin to an arrow piercing the armour he'd worn for years, and he closed his eyes, reminding himself how to breathe. In and out. In. Out. In. "I- I just didn't. Know. Whether it was what you wanted, not so soon, or if you meant it as an idea in the abstract. Just something for the future. That was how I meant it, at first. Before I knew."

Liam made a humming sound, a frown taking over his features. "Ni. I want this. We spoke about on tour, on Friday. You are my family; you, me and Chlo, and I thought another baby would be perfect, is perfect, you knew that, you-"