Rafael Barba Imagines

Panic Attack

You hated it when this happened. It made you feel ashamed and weak. But this time was worse than all the other times...because this time you were on a first date.

The embarrassment you felt just made the attack even worse. You just wanted it to stop...anything to make it stop. When you it coming on you had excused yourself from the table and ran to the restaurants ladies room.
You'd been in there trying to calm down going on fifteen minutes now, and you were sure you had ruined the date beyond repair and that Rafael would never ask you out again. And that just made the attack even worse. You liked him so much, you had for ages.

You were a court stenographer and every time you were recording one of his cases...he just amazed you. The first time you had ever seen him had been during a case where a writer of a Dom&Sub book accused a talk show host of raping her. Rafael had put a belt around his neck and provoked the talk show host into proving Rafael's point. It had shocked everyone in the courtroom. The jury, the judge, even you. And from then on he just kept impressing you, but you never thought he'd ever noticed you. After all he was this incredibly handsome and successful lawyer. You were sure he had women falling over themselves to be with him. So he had render you speechless when he'd come up to you outside the courthouse and asked you to go with him. Obviously you agreed and now here you were...in the ladies' room...hyperventilating.

"(Y/n) are you in there? Is everything alright?" You heard Rafael ask through the door.

You pushed the button on the hand dryer before answering, hoping it would hide the fact you were hyperventilating.

"I'm fine." You called.

"You don't sound like it." He called back. "You sound like your..."

"I'm fine really."

"No you aren't. (Y/n) if you don't come out, I'm coming in to make sure you're alright."

"No! Really..."

You thought for sure you were about to pass out. The calling back forth, the panic of him coming in...you were sure how much more you could take.

"I'm coming in."

He entered to find you with your hands against the counter trying to hide the fact that you were about to faint.

"(Y/n) are you alright?"

"I'm fine, really. I just need a moment."

"What happened?" He asked coming closer to you.

You held up your hand, stopping him in his tracks. "Please I need you to say over there."

"Ok. What do you need?"

"I...I..."

"I'm going to walk over to you, but I'm not going to touch you. I'm just going to wet a paper towel."

You nodded and he walked slowly over to you. Wetting a paper towel and handing it to you. You took it gratefully and put against your forehead.

"I'm sorry..." You tried to say but Rafael cut you off.

"Don't be." He said.

"I've ruined our date."

"Says who? (Y/n) I don't know what caused this but don't think you've ruined anything."

"But you have to think I'm a head case..."

"Why would I think that? You're having a panic attack...we all get them."

You looked at him surprised. "Even you?" You asked him.

"You might be surprised how many I've had. Can I touch you now or will that upset you?"

You paused a moment before nodding and telling him he could touch you.

Drawing you to him he held you as he whispered reassurances in your ear. You could feel your heart slowing and your breathing had returned too normal.

"Thank you." You said as you pulled away from him.

"No reason to thank me."

"Rafael...you're standing in the ladies' room."

"So? It's nicer in here than the men's room, I can tell you that much."

"I..."

"(Y/n) I don't want you to think you've scared me off. Because you haven't." He said taking your hands in his. "I don't know what happened and you don't have to tell me. I just want to make sure I didn't do anything."
"No! Of course not. You didn't do anything." You said shaking your head.

"Good. Do you want to finish dinner?"

"Umm..."

"Anything you want to do. As long as I'm with you I'm fine with anything."

"But...""No buts. I don't care about dinner. I care about you."

You looked at him a moment before speaking. "I don't understand. Why me?"

"It was my first case with you. Court was about to start and you walked in wearing (f/c) dress and you had your (h/c) hair swept up in this messy bun, and this little piece kept falling in front of your eye. And you were so focused on the what was being said I don't think you ever even noticed it. I certainly did, it kept distracting me. You were so beautiful and just so focused...I wanted to walk over to you and brush it out of your way. And then...you looked up...and your (e/c) eyes just shocked me. They're so striking. And then whenever I would see you...you'd be doing something...good. You'd be giving money to the homeless man who lives around the block, and you always get him coffee in the morning, or you'd be picking up someone else trash and putting in the trash, I've even seen you pick up baby bird and put it back in its nest. You're...you're like a Disney princess. I wanted to ask you out sooner but I thought you were too good for me, but the other day when Detective Carisi was flirting with you..."

"Sonny wasn't flirting with me." You said.

"He was flirting." He replied dryly. "It made me see red...and I knew I had to ask you out...even if you turned me down."

"You were scared of me?" You asked unbelieving.

He nodded before speaking. "After you said yes I went to my office and had a panic attack." He admitted.

"What? Why?" You asked, your eyes wide.

"Because you said yes. I never expected you to say yes and then you did. And I couldn't believe that someone as amazing as you would ever say yes to me. And I had no idea how to top all the dates you've been on...I just got bit overwhelmed...trying to think of a way to impress you."

"Thank you...for being so honest." You said with a soft smile.

"I just hope you'll go out with me again. And that if you have another attack...you won't try to hide from me."

"I...I think now that you know about...my attacks...and that you understand them...I know I can trust you. And that you won't be scared off by them."

"Good. I never want you to be scared of me."

"Let's go back to dinner." You said smiling as you lead him out of the ladies' room. Getting a few odd looks as you went, but the two of you just laughed at them as you sat back down.

The next weekend you and Rafael went out again and the week after that and the week after that and the week after that until he asked you if you'd be willing to be his girlfriend. You smiled and said of course before leaning over to kiss him.