"No matter what storm you face, you need to know that God loves you. He has not abandoned you." -Franklin Graham
When I was a little girl, I found BarlowGirl's self titled CD in my sister's denim CD case in our room.. and I took it.
Music has always been a big part of my life for numerous reasons.
BarlowGirl were (and sometimes still are) my safe place at times. I never understood the lyrics or the meanings behind the songs, but I always loved to listen to 'BarlowGirl' when I was young. It was probably because I felt so at peace sometimes, like God was cradling my heart and soul in the words.
I was always drawn to 'Never Alone' and 'Mirror' the most. I never understood why though. I mean, I never actually tried to understand; I was six and seven years old when I first discovered them. The songs were just some of the coolest I'd heard.
BarlowGirl were the only band that I'd listen to by choice. (Of course, I would listen to other singers and bands like Superchic[k], Jaci Velasquez, Stacie Orrico, Shania Twain and KJ-52 too. Yes, mentioning Shania Twain and KJ-52 is random as all get out, but that's just who I am.)
I remember when I got my first portable CD player and some headphones. All bets were off then. Every chance I had, I would listen to BarlowGirl. On road trips, on the way to school, on the way back from school, doing homework, avoiding homework. Every. Single.Chance. I never went a day without some good ole BG.
BarlowGirl are who first inspired me to be a musician. My parents have a home video of me singing anything and everything that was on a Christmas ornament box and Jingle Bells then cheesing big when I realized I was being recorded. I was maybe four or five at that time I think. My friends and I even attempted to start a "band" with me and my girl friend singing and my guy friend being the "drummer" (with pencils and movie cases as a drumset). Unfortunately, our band never took off. Lol
As I grew older, though, BarlowGirl became more to me than just "cool music."
When I had just turned thirteen, my best and only friend, my granny, passed away from acute leukemia.. I had lost three people, including her, within six months. The first death abruptly ended my six plus years of sexual abuse. It was all too much for a twelve and thirteen year old to handle.. Not to mention several other things that had happened in the previous twelve years of my life.
My parents had divorced the year before and remarried that year when my granny passed. BarlowGirl were who I ran to to feel anything. I had started to learn the meanings behind some of their songs on that one CD I owned. They kept me living and wanting to live.
My adoration and fascination were misplaced.. Their music alone wasn't enough to keep me grounded.
One day, I had been left home alone to clean the house we lived in. It was a tiny, roach and spider infested, single wide mobile home that came complete with a pair of opossums. I had been depressed and suicidal for most of my young life. I had run away several times.. I hated myself; the way I acted and looked and talked.
I was washing dishes when I grabbed a knife. I stared at it as a cold and eerie feeling came over me. I had decided then that I would "end myself".
I tried to work up the "courage" to kill myself, even yelling at myself for being so "weak" and stupid and crying because I just could not do it.
I was getting the knife ready for the umpteenth time when God performed a miracle. 'Never Alone', which I had recently purchased and put on my iPod 4, began to play. I cried and I cried as God's grace wrapped around me and comforted me.
The thing is, at this time I didn't believe in God. I hated Him. Frankly, it was BarlowGirl whom I worshipped.. I thought it was their music alone that helped me.
When they disbanded, I lost what little bit of myself I had left. And I hated them.. My "gods" let me down. Just like in 'Pedestal'. I had thought.
I had mislead myself.
I stopped listening to their music because of the Godly meanings and lyrics, and also because of my hatred toward them. I strayed further and further from God.
I had delved into lesbianism, drugs and alcohol. I had been promiscuous too. I had been attempting to make myself happy without God, but it hadn't been enough. I began self harming and I thought about suicide on an almost daily basis. I even began starving myself to be skinner. "If I could just be pretty, I'd be happy.."
Then one night, I found God.
I had listened to 'Never Alone' and 'Mirror' off and on throughout a few years between their disbandment and my salvation as well as a few other songs. I believe that my listening to BarlowGirl's music had opened a crack in my hardened heart that let God's light in again.
I couldn't help but listen to 'Never Alone' when I felt like I was alone. And God made His way back into my life through them. (And of course there were other bands too, but it was mostly BarlowGirl.)
After I became a Christian, I wanted to get back into the old music I listened to. Guess who I looked up first.
Actually it was Flyleaf. Then I looked up BarlowGirl. Lol
I began watching their podcasts that I never knew existed until I looked them up on YouTube. I still do every now and again. It's like a binge worthy Netflix show that will never get old no matter how many times you see it. I laugh so hard that I cry, and I cry so hard that I.. keep crying until they make me laugh until I cry again.
To this day, the songs of 'BarlowGirl' (and a couple other albums that I've been able to purchase) keep me on track. The Barlows themselves have become more than only musical inspirations to me; they're role models in my life and my walk with Christ.
When I was little I used to say, "I wanna be like them when I grow up! I wanna be pretty and sing cool songs!" Today I'm like, "I wanna be like them when I grow up! I wanna be Godly and make inspiring and comforting songs and help others like they do!" lol
I'm so thankful for them! Words can't describe it. God knows where I'd be if they hadn't been a band and shared their love and passion for God with others or their stories.
Thank you, Alyssa, Rebecca and Lauren (and Beka because you're frickin' awesome too)! You've made such an awesome impact in not only my life but so many others too! God bless you all!
- Tiffany Davenport
Lake City, Florida
