The Music Man • Shawn Mendes Fan Fiction

Oh, How Much Pain and Relief a Knife Can Bring

I yell his name again.

"SHAWN!" I jump out of bed and he stands up. I hug him with my arms around his neck and his arms around my waist. "Shawn Peter Raul Mendes." I whisper into his ear, and I hear a gentle cry coming from him. I start crying, too. He pulls away.

"You remember." He gives me a big smile.

"Yeah, I do." I smile in return. My smile fades and I pull my arms away from his neck.

"Shawn?"

"Yes?"

"Do I have a family? What's my name? And that lady that always comes in here, what's her name, too?" I ramble off all those questions, obviously not completely cured.

"Well, um..." He looks me in the eyes, then sits on the bed and pats the space next to him. I sit down with him. "I know nothing about your family-"

"That makes 2 of us." I say and look down, feeling guilty and shameful.

"But I do know that you have a very pretty name." He lifts my chin with his hand so I have to look at him. "Your name is Melissa, but sometimes people call you Mel. The nurse that comes in here, her name is Felicia." He lets go of my chin but I continue to look at him. I sit criss-cross and I turn my body completely toward him. He just stares at me; stares into my eyes, like he's seen a vision, and I stare right back into his eyes.

"You know, I still have that promised date..." I give him a wink and laugh.

"Yep, I know. I'm keeping that promise and I'll wait for you Melissa. I'm waiting till you fully get better." He grabs my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze.

"Shawn, you don't understand!" I let go of his hand and stand up. "I WON'T EVER GET FULLY BETTER!! I'm going to stay the confused and forgetful girl that I am!" I cry and I run out the door.

"Mel, wait!" Shawn calls after me.

I run out the door and into the hallway. Some nurses start chasing me as well. I make a bunch of random turns to get these nurses off my tail. I finally make it to the kitchen and I grab a knife and put it in my pocket without anyone seeing. I run to the bathroom and lock the stall door and I hear footsteps trailing behind. Holding my breath, I wait until I hear the nurses and Shawn leave. I let out my breath and I take the knife out.

***
⚠ WARNING ⚠: GRAPHIC CONTENT! VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED!! Once you see the *** you can continue!

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I breathe heavily and I swallow hard. Tears furiously run down my face. My hand is shaking as I press the cold knife to my bare wrist and press down hard. I wince in pain as I quickly pull away horizontally, creating an opening. I watch as the blood spills out of the cut, and for a millisecond, I felt the slightest bit better. All that happiness quickly dissipated when I remember why the previous cuts happened. Slowly, the memories that I wanted to never think about again come back piece by piece. Remembering it got me upset again, and I press the knife into a new spot on my wrist, unable to see because of the tears flowing from my eyes. I cry out in pain as I slowly drag the knife horizontally across my wrist. Once again I watch as the blood spills out and drips onto the ground. I drop the knife next to me and cry loudly, not caring who hears. I breathe heavily in between cries of pain and I hold my torn up wrist. I look at it with tears in my eyes, realizing that I could make this all over. Yes, just one stab in the correct spot and it would all be over...
***

Suddenly I hear footsteps run in. A familiar pair of feet stand right in front of the stall.

"MELISSA!! LET ME IN THERE RIGHT NOW!" Shawn yells at me. As much as I'd like to let him in, I'm too weak to get up. Too weak to talk, too weak to stay alive. Shawn pushes on the door and rams into it with a couple of grunts escaping from his mouth. I watch his feet from under the door. He gets on his knees and looks at me through the bottom of the door. "MELISSA!" Shawn crawls under the door and shakes me a little until I slowly turn my head in his direction. He then crawls fully under the door and unlocks it so the nurses can come in. His picks me up bridal style, getting my blood all over him. The nurses lead us back to my room, my blood leaving a trail the whole way there. When we get back to my room Shawn gently puts me down on the bed. Immediately, nurses are sticking IV's into me and wrapping a bandaid around my wrist. I try my best to look at Shawn through my tears. He's sitting on a chair by my bed with his head in his hands and is shaking slightly. It's so subtle that it's hard to notice.

"Alright, hun. Take it easy for a while, okay? We'll see you in the morning." One of the nurses says. She gives me a wink and turns to Shawn. "Shawn, you can stay if you'd like." Shawn looks up and gives a gentle nod and smilies the tiniest bit. The nurses leave.

"Why, Melissa?" Shawn looks at me. "Why?" His voice is shaky. Now it's obvious to tell that he's been crying. His eyes are red and puffy and his cheeks are shiny like they've been coated with tears.

"I-I don't...I don't know..." I stutter. I don't really know why I did it. "I guess I just thought I could cut my worries away." I would cry, but there's no more tears left in me.

"No Mel. That's exactly what you can't do." He gets up off the chair and sits next to me on the bed. He holds my non-bandaged hand in his and looks me in the eyes. "Mel, please don't do it ever again. When you hurt yourself, it hurts me too. Please, I'm begging you." He kisses the top of my hand and some of his tears land on my knuckles. "Promise me you won't do it again." When I don't answer him he says, "Promise me."

"I...I promise." As the words escape my mouth I know I'm going to disappoint him. He hugs me tightly and cries.