i can't survive if this is all that's real

chanxing au where yixing hates chan but they bond

exo. the thing yixing hated most about this boyband was chanyeol. the clumsy, tall rapper got on yixing's nerves from day 1 when he spilled his coffee on him and grinned widely as he apologised. the boy never seemed to run out of happiness whereas yixing struggled to keep himself happy even for some hours.

it's been a month since they debuted as exo and he got pretty close with the members from the exo-m sub unit, avoiding to talk to the ones from exo-k, mainly because they all seemed to be extremely friendly with chanyeol. even his mates from exo-m seemed to like chanyeol. everyone did, except yixing.

"Lay-ah,", his eldest hyung, minseok, addressed him. he looked up to him and smiled faintly as he replied, "yes, hyung?".

"me and the other members are going out to eat. do you want to join us?", he asked patiently, smiling down at him.

yixing panicked as he looked around, searching for an answer. his eyes fell on some music sheets and he stuttered out his answer, "i-i have to... to work on s-some music. yeah, compose some...", he trailed off. the horror of being with chanyeol in the same room, having to act all friendly with him around the members got to him and he shuddered. he just couldn't stand the happiness that radiated from chanyeol and polluted the air yixing breathed.

"all right... next time come for sure though", minseok smiled, ending with a "fighting" pose. yixing smiled at his hyung as he watched him walk out of the room.

he sighed relieved once he was alone in the room and opened his laptop. he checked his email and one particular letter caught his attention. he'd recognise that email address out of a million. it was an invitation to a wedding from his girlfriend and, surprisingly enough, yixing wasn't the groom. he read its text once, twice, thrice and still didn't believe it. his girlfriend didn't even break up with him. she just sent him an invite. not even a text saying they're over. a wedding invitation. as he read the invitation the fourth time, he began to tear up. he knew about the dating ban and the punishment it held so they decided to keep their relationship on hold, for yixing's sake. but this, this isn't something he expected. they promised each other they'd wait.

he was sobbing uncontrollably when he heard a noise in the kitchen of their dorm. at first he didn't mind it, thinking his members were back. but at the second sound, he remembered they were the loudest people he ever met, especially that baekhyun guy.

he opened the door slowly and looked through the room. it was dark and the members' shoes were gone. 'it could mean only one thing. it's a robber', yixing told himself as he wiped his eyes and tiptoed his way to the kitchen. the door of the fridge was open and an extreme tall person was searching through it. yixing's eyes widened as he realised who it was. he froze in the kitchen's doorway, unable to react. when he realised he had to leave the room fast, it was too late.

chanyeol closed the fridge and turned around, finding a red eyed and very astonished yixing staring at him.

"hyung," he smiled widely but yixing cut him off.

"what are you doing here?", he asked, his voice breaking.

"i live here?", chanyeol replied amused.

"no," yixing said, getting frustrated, "as in, why aren't you with the other members?"

"oh," chanyeol smiled bitterly, "minseok hyung told me you're staying in so ... i thought you'd be hungry..."

yixing rolled his eyes, "I'm fine, I don't need you cooking for me"

yixing turned around and was about to leave when chanyeol called him.

"hyung", chanyeol shouted, "why are you avoiding me? why are so cold towards me? I thought maybe you're just shy, but you seem close with the exo-m members. why do you hate me so much?"

yixing looked down at his feet, not knowing how to reply. chanyeol was looking at him expectedly.

"the thing is, i... what are you cooking?", yixing asked. he felt something inside him click and suddenly he felt sorry for treating chanyeol bad. he felt his heart beating faster as he turned around and faced chanyeol.

"ramen", chanyeol mumbled.

"...can i help?", yixing mumbled back.

chanyeol looked up at him with sparkling eyes and nodded repeatedly. his smile grew wide as he watched yixing slowly making his way to the stove and beside chanyeol.

"I know you're good at cooking so... I'll just...", chanyeol said, motioning to the ingredients on the counter with his hand.

"yes, of course", yixing nodded and grabbed a pan.

they cooked in silence, occasionally sending shy glances to see what the other one was up to. yixing turned the stove on and observed chanyeol. the tall boy was watching over the noodles with great concentration and yixing could see chanyeol's frown. for some reason, he felt bad for making chanyeol's smile fade. he thought, maybe, that email got him emotional. 'that must be it', yixing told himself. 'after i fix myself up, i can go back to avoiding him'.

"you know, hyung, I've always wished to have a girlfriend with whom I could cook.", chanyeol smiled dreamily as he put the food on plates.

"that's a... good dream", yixing said, tearing up unknowingly.

chanyeol stared at him, terrified at first, then his eyes softened.

"are you crying?", chanyeol asked, crouching down beside yixing, so he could see his eyes.

"no", yixing mumbled, hiding his face.

"why?", chanyeol asked again, this time on the verge of tears himself, "is it me? did i make you uncomfortable?"

yixing looked up to chanyeol and felt his heart break. he couldn't believe chanyeol was genuinely worried for him. he thought chanyeol, just like him, was just pretending to like him. but chanyeol was more than that, Lay noticed. he was indeed a very bright person, but a very genuine one too. he was kind and thoughtful and selfless. and yixing couldn't believe he lived all these years despising him.

yixing started crying harder as he grabbed chanyeol and pulled him into a hug. chanyeol got flustered, but hugged him back immediately.

"chanyeol-ah, I'm sorry.", yixing sobbed into the younger's shoulder, "you were so cheerful all the time and i am so gloomy. i just... i couldn't stand your joy. im sorry. I hurt you for no reason. I was being so selfish.", yixing managed to say through sobs. when he didn't hear a reply from chanyeol, he pulled away from the hug, only to find chanyeol crying too.

"hyung,", he whispered, "of course i forgive you."

yixing nodded, a smile making its way to his lips and he hugged chanyeol once more, this time, feeling warm and cozy in his embrace.

they ate slowly and yixing told him about his breakup. chanyeol turned out to be a good listener and yixing could tell he felt much better. after they had dinner, chanyeol convinced lay to watch a drama with him.

halfway through it, yixing spoke up.

"chanyeol-ah,", he whispered hesitantly, "thank you for being there for me. tonight and ... all these years."

"im always here for you, hyung", chanyeol smiled and yixing smiled back, the widest smile chanyeol has ever seen on his hyung's face. and chanyeol made that smile appear. he made a mental note to always try to make his hyung smile like that as they turned their attention to the movie again.

when the other members came back, they found chanyeol and lay fast asleep on the couch, leaning against each other.