Song of the Chapter: Foreigner's God by Hozier
(GIF is the car ride back)
**contains abuse
It was all so fast. The first time. 2 in the morning, Saturday February 23rd. I could never forget. We just got home from a party to celebrate us finishing college. He was pissed because Charlie came – he's never liked Charlie.
We were already walking on thin ice when I said Charlie wanted to go for lunch next week. I shouldn't have said anything.
All I remember are the words like lightning, his voice thundering over me. I remember my voice; a quiet whisper in a thunderstorm. And then it happened.
We were both quiet at first. Frozen in place while I waited for the sting to leave. It wasn't hard enough for me to black out but that didn't stop it from hurting.
I could feel blood pooling in my mouth so I went to the bathroom, my body working on auto-pilot. I think it was around the time I rinsed my mouth and saw my reflection did I come back to my senses.
What shocked me wasn't my already-bruised mouth or the fact that I wasn't crying. It was the fear. I saw it in my eyes that night. I was actually scared for my life. That's when I knew I couldn't stay here any longer.
I could hear him crying on the other side of the door. After taking a couple deep breaths, I slowly opened the door.
He was sitting on the bed, head bent down. I didn't know whether to approach him or not. He made the decision for me.
He made his way to me, kneeling and latching onto my stomach for support. His sobs muffled the words he was trying to make out. My hands reached for his hair pulling him closer for comfort.
Muscle memory, I told myself.
"We'll talk about this in the morning, it's late and we're both tired." I found myself saying. Somehow blaming that on muscle memory did little to comfort me.
Once I helped him to bed it was close to half an hour before he finally went to sleep. The sounds of his sobs muffled as he held me tightly, showing no signs of letting me go. Once it was finally quiet, I was left to process the night again.
I couldn't sleep.
