The Sheer Joy of Performance

It was a dark night; darker than it would be in mid June usually. He held the Colt Single Action Army gun in his right hand. The cool, silver metal barrel felt strange as he placed his left hand on it. The grip of the gun was made from a dark brown wood. It had an old, ancient, antique feel to it. He produced a bullet from the box, hidden at the back of the bottom of his wardrobe. He released the cylinder and placed the bullet in one of the empty gaps. He placed the cylinder back in its place and spun it fast. His fate was in the hands of the gun now. He aimed the gun at its intended target before closing his eyes. He pulled the trigger...

Everything happened in slow motion. The sound could be heard all over the house; his parents heard it in the living room while watching the evening news, his brother heard it while listening to his new Linkin Park CD at the loudest volume in his headphones and iPod. There was a sudden flurry of activity as everyone dropped what they were doing and ran to the room. The door was locked so they called out, but they received no answer. Another thud was heard inside the room, motivating his father to use more force to kick the door in. A wail was heard as they entered the room. His father ran towards his son, who was lying on the floor. His mother fell to her knees and continued to cry and wail; his brother called an ambulance and told the person everything he knew about his brother’s condition. As they all continued with their separate duties, it was clear to them all that they were too late, and there was nothing any of them could do. He was gone.

Her phone must have buzzed thirty times in the last five minutes but she refused to look at it. She was on a mission. She knew they only wanted to know if the sudden rumours were true, and she didn’t even have an answer for herself. She turned the last bend and came upon the most horrific scene. The flashing lights of the three police cars and the two ambulances were luminous against the backdrop of the dark sky. She didn’t notice that though. Her heart was beating wildly against her chest and she felt the adrenaline running through her body as she sprinted from her towards the house, leaving the ignition running.

Her tears began to free fall from her eyes as she got closer. When she could see the front door, she skidded to a stop. There were people scattered everywhere. A trolley was being pulled across the yard. She saw his parents and brother in the yard as well. They continued pulling the trolley; she found it difficult to see the exact state he was in. The trolley’s journey straight past the empty ambulance and was placed in the back of the Medical Examiner’s van. She knew there and then, that her life had fallen apart right in front of her eyes.

“I’m sorry. I can’t keep doing this. This emptiness I feel cannot be fixed or filled. I don’t see any other way to fix this. I feel hopeless in this state of mind. I need help and this is my solution. I know it’s the cowardly thing to do, but I want to save you all the shame of having your son in rehab. I will love you always and be with you forever”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He opened his eyes when he heard his bedroom door open. She looked broken and only he knew why. She had read his note. The one that declared his darkest, deepest secrets. He had been performing for so long; he didn’t think it would be possible to stop. He had to pretend to everyone what he really thought and felt. He knew he was depressed but he had no one to talk to, up until now. He knew that she would do anything for him. As she ran towards him, he dropped the gun and enveloped her in his arms, knowing he had her forever. He looked towards that ugly, silver device lying on the ground at his feet and decided that one brush with fate was enough. He knew he wouldn’t go near it again. He’d had an eye-opening moment and knew he’d never go back.

A Week Later

They stood side-by-side at the edge of the bridge, looking down at the deep, dark water. This was their make-or-break moment. This would define the end result. The box in his hand felt heavy with emotion but he had chosen his side, and this was not part of it. The gun and bullets sat in that box. He held it out and dropped it down into the water. It sank due to the weight of everything in it. She reached out her hand and took his in it. As he faced her, he saw she looked relieved and happy with his choice, as was he. They walked away from the bridge and he was never going to look back. Finally, he felt that he had made a breakthrough and couldn’t have been happier.