My GF Is A Zombie Hooker

Prologue

     Today is my girlfriend's birthday. Not only that, but it's her eighteenth birthday, her first day of glorious freedom. Kayla Diggins was officially legal. I turned eighteen a month ago and, since then, I've waited patiently for this day to arrive. Finally, we were both adults and a world of adventure awaited us. No one could tell us what do. Of course, being a Tuesday, we have school today, but that's just how life goes.

     I felt like an idiot, standing in front of the school with a dozen roses in my hand. A few girls smiled at me when they saw the flowers. Most of the other kids snickered or made jokes as they passed by. I ignored them. Kayla would only turn eighteen once and I was determined to make it a special day for her – a day she would always remember.

     The roses weren't cheap. I didn't have a lot of money to spend but I adored Kayla. I could skip a few meals if necessary. Whatever. She was my first real girlfriend and was unlike any girl I've ever known.

     I nearly dropped the flowers when I saw her. She was wearing a short skirt, black boots that stopped just under the knees, and a top that displayed more cleavage than was permitted on school grounds. My face turned red as I gawked at the sight of her.

     That's when I noticed something was wrong. She marched right up to me and glared at the roses in my hand. I took a deep breath to muster my confidence.

     "Happy Birthday," I said. I reached out to hand her the flowers but she crossed her arms over her chest instead. This was not good. Something was different about her today. Her normally vibrant skin was ashen and she never dressed like that.

     "Jack, honey, we need to talk."

     Oh no. It was never good to hear those words. "Sure. What is it?" I asked, although I'm not sure my voice was audible over the thumping of my heart.

     "I'm dead," she said.

     "You mean your feelings for me are dead?"

     "No. I mean that last night I got so excited about turning eighteen that I popped a vessel in my brain and wham! Instant death. Only instead of some eternal, peaceful rest, I find myself face to face with the Death Pimp. He tells me—.”

     "The who?" I interrupted. My brain wasn't quite processing her story.

     "The Death Pimp. All clear? Good." She's agitated so I nodded for her to continue. "Anyway, he offers me a deal. He'll make me zombie but in return I work for him. Do you get what I'm saying? I'm a zombie hooker now."

     I can't believe what I'm hearing. Just yesterday she was the perfect girl. I released my grip on the roses and they crashed to the concrete below. She ignored the gesture and waited for my response.

     "You're a hooker?" The thought of my girlfriend being a hooker was more than I could bear. She grabbed me by the shoulders.

     "Your girlfriend died. Hello? Could you fake a tear or something?"

     "I just can't believe you're a hooker."

     "You are such an asshole." She took the heel of her boot and smashed the roses. Red petals scattered over the walkway in front of the school. Seventy bucks down the drain.

     She stormed away from me without another word. I stood, silent, and watched her go. Dead or not, her legs were dynamite in that little outfit. Even if she was a zombie hooker, she was my girlfriend, and I loved her.