Blackbird

Why You Wanna Fly?

"Rena" a voice said jolting me from my sleep. Groaning, I turned over to see my little sister Tara with a panic-stricken look in her eyes.

"Rena, mommy's home" and instantly my body was on high alert.

"Go hide baby" I whispered. I quietly ushered her into the closet and closed the door ever so softly. The last time my mother, Teresa, came home under the influence and saw Tara she decided she looked too much like her father and burned her with a cigarette. I stood at the doorway to be sure if she was here and sure enough I heard my name being called. I put on a stoic face, preparing for the worst.

"Yes mama" I answered. She sat on the couch with hooded eyes and to the left of her was an unfamiliar man.

"Come sit next to me baby" Teresa smiled, patting the torn sofa cushion in between her and the stranger. Hesitantly I walked over to them attempting to buy myself some time. By the looks on each of their faces I could see how impatient they were becoming. When I was officially within arms reach my mother dug her nails in my arm and yanked me down next to her."Where's the smaller one?" the man asked, clearly referring to Tara.

"She's spending the night over a friend's house" I lied through my teeth. Teresa looked at me suspiciously then at the door to our room but before she could speak he said "Don't matter, you'll do just fine"

Everything that occurred next happened so slow but also so fast at the same time. At some point my mother disappeared and no matter how much I begged him not to. No matter how much I fought, he overpowered me and I ended up underneath him just praying for it to be over.

It was as if my brain detached from the rest of my body, almost like I couldn't feel him violate me. Though I felt it all, my mind was elsewhere, I wasn't trapped under some stranger my mom pawned me off to get her daily fix. I wasn't crying silently as the pain became too much to bear. I was flying high in the clouds, like the most beautiful bird you could ever imagine.

After it was over he got up to get dressed and I ran into the bathroom locking the door behind me. I turned on the shower making the water scalding hot. I didn't care if it burned I needed to scrub the trace of him off of me; it was sickening. No matter how hard I scrub I still feel him there, inside of me, ruining me. I sat in the tub staring at the wall wanting to cry but all that came out were silent screams. I flinched at my reflection in the in the water, and all I could think was, why cant't I fly? I walked towards Tara and I's shared room but before I could open the door the stranger smacked my ass and grabbed my arm forcefully.

"That was fun, make sure you bring your little sister next time" he winked. I nodded fearfully in agreement hoping he'd let me go and after looking longingly at my body one last time he released me and walked away. I entered the room and put a chair under the doorknob, making it hard for any unwanted person to come in.

"You can come out now Tara" I whispered. She emerged from the closet and sat on the bed next to me.

"Rena, I'm hungry" she whined.

"I know but I'll get us up super early tomorrow so you can get to breakfast on time at school, deal?" I asked.

"Deal" she agreed happily. I eventually coaxed her to sleep and laid beside her, stroking her hair. She deserves the world, more than what her 17 year old sister and druggy mother can give her. I stared at the ceiling, getting lost in my own thoughts, knowing that sleep wouldn't find me tonight.

I kept my promise and got her to school on time, as for me I was going to be late 1st period again. The halls were empty when I finally made it to school. I could just skip, but my only other option was home with Teresa. I sighed and opened the door to the first class of the day. I hoped they wouldn't stare and that Mr. Vincent wouldn't question me, but that's what I get for hoping. All eyes were on me as soon as I walked in.

"Miss Klein, where have you been" he questioned me as I made my way to my seat. I could hear snickers all over the classroom.

"Looks like she's been rummaging through someone's garbage can" Kathy giggled making the whole class erupt in laughter, I even saw Mr. Vincent bite back a chuckle. I just sat stone faced staring ahead at the chalkboard.This is how majority of my classes go, me as the butt of everyone's joke. After the class settled down we began our work, I was doing just fine until I noticed wrappers and crumpled up paper being thrown in my direction. A couple bounced off my head, hitting their target I clenched my pencil in frustration but I knew what would happened if I got in trouble. For me that would mean extra time at home with the mother of the year. I breathed a sigh of relief at the sound of the school bell grateful to be done with this class but dreading the repetition the was to come. I kept my head down as I walked the halls careful to avoid bumping into anyone.

At lunch I sat alone and ate quietly,  I was just grateful I made it to my only meal of the day. I didn't bother anyone and I didn't want anyone to bother me. To everyone else here l was the loner, weird girl who wore dirty, baggy clothes. I sat in silence and basked in my time of not being humiliated by my peers. My moment of solace didn't last long as everyone started the transition to our next class. I entered the Biology lab and sat in my usual seat in the back. The rest of the class shuffled in and Ms. Night went to the front of the class.

"Alright you guys settle down" Ms. Night said. " As you all may know It's almost time for midterms but before we get into that half of you are currently failing my class and if you don't manage to get your grades up, you won't even have to worry about the midterm because you'll be taking my class again" she stated. There were groans all over the class coming from those who know they slacked off. I just turned my attention to window to watch the birds in the courtyard. Personally, I didn't care I had more important things to worry about than cellular respiration.

"If I call out your name come see me before the end of class for extra credit" Ms. Night called out. She read off a list of names and of course mine was included but as the class came to an end I found myself walking right past her desk.