Blackbird

Because You'll Never Love Again

I don't think I have been the same since I watched them lower Tara into the ground. Seeing something like that changes people I guess. Her dad did show up at the graveyard he stood in the back with an emotionless look on his face. Afterwards when everyone began to disband he approached me with his head hung low.

"I'm sorry for your loss, I don't think I can ever forgive myself for not doing anything sooner" he said tearfully. Before I could reply he walked away but all I could think was 'Me either dude, me either'. I was now sitting on the couch in my hospital room for my weekly session with Ms. Eden.

"Rena how are you feeling?" she asked. I slowly turned my head to look at her with a blank look on my face, then I huffed in annoyance.

"Ms. Eden how do you think, I'm feeling" I replied dully.

"I think you are in a lot of pain, you feel angry, and you feel as no one understands you" she said.

"Do you know someone else who was raped and beaten then forced to become a parent to a child she didn't create, only for that child who in the end was also raped and beaten to death. I had to bury my sister Ms. Eden, I watched them lower her body six feet into the ground. The same sister I raised and protected for as long as I could.....excuse my French but I know for a fucking fact no one understands me" I stated.

"What about Evan?" she asked

"What about him?" I countered.

"He clearly cares about you and we all see how he looks at you. You two are clearly inseparable" she stated

"He's my best friend and he feels sorry for me, of course he'd treat me like a wounded animal" I shrugged.

"Are you sure that's it? How do you feel about him?" she asked. The questions rang out in my head, and I thought about Evan really thought about him. How he read to me, held my hand, told corny jokes in an attempt to get me to smile even just a little, laid with me while I cried, and never left my side; with Evan I was never alone but deep down I am numb and I couldn't possibly feel love, not anymore.

"I feel and immense sense of gratitude towards him for never giving up on me" 

"Is that all Rena?"

"That is all Ms. Eden"

"How did it make you feel about the fact that your grandmother relinquished her rights to you and let you go with Evan's family"

"I feel nothing really, she didn't want anything to do with me which isn't that surprising. I'm glad I get to go with people I trust" I shrugged, they had contacted Teresa's mother, I thought she was dead at least that's what I was always told. Though lo' and behold she was still living and breathing, and of course wanted nothing to do with me. No one wants the burden of a broken child, except Vanessa of course, that woman is a saint. She is like the mother I never had. "Are we done now? I'm ready to go home" 

"Sure Rena, we can wrap it up early. Same time next week, next time at my office?" she smiled.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world" I laughed humorlessly. Ms. Eden collected her things and gave a warm smile and left the room. Shortly after Evan, Ethan and Vanessa entered with balloons and flowers.

"You ready to go home?" Evan asked smiling from ear to ear and for a moment looking at the three of them for a quick second I thought that maybe, just maybe I could try to be happy again.