How To Get A Boyfriend (FOR PUSSIES)

"I like him, but I'm going to avoid him at all costs."

We all have those friends who likes a guy and just refuses to speak to him. For no reason.

Hell, let's be honest here, that girl is probably you.

If you like the guy, and you know... think about his fat ass once in a while, but you don't TALK to him, then what's the point?

Exactly. There is no goddamn point in liking that guy.

Some girls get on my nerves. Especially the ones who make such a big deal whenever their crush looks at them or some shit. Actually no, that's just most high school girls in general. They go around to their friends like "Oh Em Gee. You will NEVER guess what Jimmy did. He looked at me. Do you think we should have chocolate or vanilla cake at our wedding?"

You think I'm joking. Maybe you are lucky enough to have never encountered someone that boy crazy, but you will one day. Mark my words.

Regardless, stop being ridiculous and save your dignity.

Now I get that some girls are stupid, but can I ask why do girls always expect the guy to magically know how we feel about them? Girls are always complaining about how guys are oblivious. Like no shit, he's human and he's not going to know that you like him if you avoid him.

COMMON FUCKING SENSE.

I hate when my friends ask for my opinion like "Hey girl. I really like this guy, what should I do?"

And I'm here like giving out some kind genuine helpful advice, "Hm have you tried this useful human evolution called speech? Yeah, pretty damn helpful."

And my friend will give me this disbelieving look like I told her to kill herself, "Oh haha thats really funny. Haha I'm not going talk to the guy I like. What kind of advice is that?"

....

Don't ask if you won't take my goddamn advice, hell its not even advice its legit just common sense. If you wanted to become friends with someone whats your first step? Avoid them at all costs? No silly, you fucking talk to them.

I've had friends who liked guys for years, AND never even talked to him. So how did you like him in the first place if you don't even know his personality?

WHICH LEADS TO ANOTHER POINT: HOW MUCH DO LOOKS MATTER?

But thats for another time.

This is a chapter dedicated to all the girls who turn into fucking speechless shy bitches the second they see the guy they like. These girls can be the craziest people you hang with, but the second the guy they like come by, they act like they've never spoken to the male species before.

Bitch please.

Your crush is just another person. Not some holy god that you worship and admire from afar, you treat them the same way you would to any other person.

Also, don't be a pussy. Its 2017, you are a strong independent woman. Go up to the guy and talk. Its only awkward if you MAKE it awkward.

So don't make it fucking awkward.

Now lets talk about your confidence, because apparently talking to that poor guy is just THAT intimidating. To the point where you can't even put together a damn sentence. SO here are some steps to help you become less of a pussy:

1. Look good. Feel good.

-Guys don't actually give a damn

-But if you think you look great then hell yeah you look great. Who cares what the guy thinks?

-Okay okay, you care. Just try to pull yourself together. Please.

2.Pep Talk

-Yeah yeah, I know I sound like a loser but it works. Look into the mirror and say "I'm a bad bitch, and any guy would be damn lucky to have me." Say it like 69 times, cause you know what they say "69th times a charm."

-Also just reassure yourself, I mean what is the worst that can happen? Your life is not a cliche book, no one is going to throw a smoothie on you and the guy is not going to scream and run off.

3. actually talk to the guy

-Perhaps the most important step or something.

ALRIGHT CONGRATS! YOU ARE OFFICIALLY READY TO START TALKING TO YOUR CRUSH.

Note: Yeah lol this is really short because I have topics listed out to rant about and this was just the shortest one ¯\_(ツ)_/¯