How To Get A Boyfriend (FOR PUSSIES)

"I hate playing games."

       Games are fun. Aren't they?

However when it comes to dating, I don't play that shit. I don't have time to listen to a guy's sugarcoated words, and you shouldn't either.

He only wants one thing ladies, sex.

I'm fucking kidding, but seriously a guy who only compliments your looks should really be a red flag.

A big ass red flag.

Let's talk about the games:

1. Playing Hard to Get

2. Leading him on

3.Flirting

4. Waiting for a text

Now I'm not saying I'm against playing hard to get, but if you're playing hard to get that's probably why you're still single. Perhaps it worked for you in the past, or it works for your friends, I don't care. We are living in 2019 sweetie, and if you are dropping hints left and right, but you also don't give him the time of day...

What the actual fuck is wrong with you.

Honestly I'm so confused as of where this, um technique?, came from. Like who decided that "Wow I like this guy, so I'm going to ignore all his advances on me and give him the I don't like you bullshit."

Okay, well that's just fucking stupid...how do you play hard to get anyway. I guess like, yeah I don't know because I don't do that shit.

Anyways, next topic of games: Leading the guy on.

Oh, I absolutely love this game, if I'm the girl. Okay yes, if you do this you will be called a bitch. Most likely. Although this is one of those controversial topics, because some girls who are actually really innocent and shit, actually don't know that they are leading you on.

Some. Very rarely. Almost only exists in wattpad stories.

Okay, if you are thinking about the typical goody two shoes in a Wattpad book, that's not the type of girl I mean. Like you can't actually be that oblivious. That girl literally has the guy making out with her and she's just like "Oh no, I think Ryder-Blake-Alec Reynolds-Black-Smith likes Victoria-or some other blonde cheerleader bitch."

But...some girls are low in self esteem and the idea of a guy liking them can be unbelievable. So this can be kind of difficult, if you've never been in a relationship and you're also the main character in a typical Wattpad Romance book.

HOWEVER, if you know that the guy likes you and you don't friend zone that bitch, WHAT ARE YOU DOING. You must be pretty goddamn confused about your feelings-and some girls are-but seriously if you aren't sure, it's better to just let him go.

Starts playing "Let Her Go"

*shuts it off

If you know a girl who is hanging onto a poor guy, because she's unsure about her feelings, slap that bitch. Or even better, hook up with that guy, get him to fall in love with you, AND THEN PROPERLY FRIEND-ZONE HIS ASS.

You'rE wElcoMe

Now for all the flirts out there-me-ah. It's simple.

Don't flirt.

Okay okay, it's not that simple but you get the gist. Keep the touching, the smirks, all that under control.

Instead, you want to be direct, as blunt as possible with your advancements toward the guy you like-or is currently dating.

If he asks "Do you enjoy talking with me?"

Don't go blushing damn it.

Say "Yes" or "No". Use your words honey, the ability to speak is there for a reason.

This might come off as flirting because guys are stupid and aren't used to girls actually speaking their feelings. If he asks "Are you flirting with me?"

Give a very vague answer like "Fuck no."

oKaY time to talk about the waiting game. Every lady knows how this goes down, bitch don't even lie, I know you do this shit.

When a guy texts you and you decide "Well since he texted me five minutes after my first text I'll take the derivative of x and multiply it by an algorithm and I'll text him back tomorrow."

And it's all a matter of playing hard to get I suppose, don't come off as desperate and clingy and shit. So then you respond like two years later to a guy's text.

You know what you should do?

Respond the fuck back. Like if you want to talk to this guy then TEXT HIM BACK, if you don't give a damn then BLOCK HIS ASS. If you go off leaving this dude on read that's just salty and rude.

He's definitely NOT going to fall heads over heels for you. He's probably gonna avoid you, in fact he probably has a string of girls he talks to. He's not going to give a fuck about you.

Like I said ladies, guys only want one thing: nudes.

Is that even a joke? Any guys reading this? Please confirm for me.

I mean, pretty sure fuck boys only text girls for booty calls or whatever. Don't text back to these kind of guys, bitch I don't care how infatuated you are if a guy asks you for nudes and your in fucking high school what are you doing.

What are you doing with your damn life.

Especially since once you sent those pics, that guy ain't ever gonna text you back. He's probably gonna block your ass and then masturbate and then forward the picture to Jeremy.

Whatever. To close up, all these games are stupid as fuck and if you want a healthy lasting relationship-or a relationship period-don't do this shit. Everything in moderation, so even if you do flirt MAKE SURE THE GUY KNOWS YOUR DOING IT ON PURPOSE. THAT BITCH NEEDS TO KNOW THAT YOU GOT THESE DAMN FEELS FOR HIM.

So here's your step by step tutorial on how to properly play these games:

1. Hard to get. Actually no, just don't do this one.

2. Leading him on, only do this for a short SHORT period of time. Give yourself a week at most to consider how you feel about this guy and then FRIENDZONE HIS ASS. Or you know, fuck him.

3. Flirt. Like I said, do it in moderation and only flirt with the guy you like, so you don't send wrong signals. Bitch if you flirt with every guy you meet, your crush ain't gonna know who the fuck you like.

4. Waiting. Ah, if this dude is pissing you off because of something he said, then sure. But if you're doing this for the sake of doing it, stop. Wait ten minutes max, unless you have a life and you're actually doing shit, then finish your shit before texting him. A guy should not be your priority. If you got a math test coming up and you're studying, don't be texting his ass.

Seriously, if you fail nobody is gonna like you now.

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT, PLAYING GAMES AND SHIT. COOL OKAY HAVE FUN YALL.

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