journal entries

emily

Emily. 1/15/14

There's a lot of days I think will be my last. but I try.... I try to stay strong with the help of my bestfriend. I had a terrible day at school today! I was called an anorexic bitch and a thot. it hurts so much to be called the same things everyday. I'm use to it but I hate it! it still puts me down. and even worse, one of the people calling me names was my old bestfriend, Jenny. I just wanted to burst into tears! I kept it in but some tears still came running out. I ran to the bathroom and hid in a stall. I cried so much I was sick of it! the only way to calm me down was to draw a picture on my thigh, but not with a pen or marker, with a blade. I sliced my thigh but it didn't hurt enough and it wasn't even bleeding, so I did it again, and again, and again, going deeper every time. Now the blood was uncontrollable, but it did calm me down. I was shacking so much. I was worried. whay I'd the blood leaks through my pants and everyone finds out I self harm? I took some toilet paper and wiped the blood even tho it wouldn't stop bleeding I put more tissue paper over it and I pulled up my jeans. I was walking back to class and I felt the blood dripping, it stang, it hurt, but it was relief. I'm looking down and the next thing I know I'm on the floor crying again. I was pushed and punched on the shoulder. I wanted to punch her back, but I didn't I was to scared to do anything. instead I got up and ran to class but that's when Justin stopped me.