I Think I Love HER.

1- 'Bi or Gay'

Chapter One

There were tears streaming out of my eyes. “I can’t keep up with this anymore” I was crying into Maddie’s sweatshirt. Almost everyone in the musical knew I had been getting bullied throughout middle school- however many of them assured me it would end in high school… “What happened?” Maddie looked me in the eyes as she asked me, I could tell she was concerned. And other people were too.

We had just gotten out of music rehearsal for the fall show at our school. I had completely forgotten about all the shit that was going. That is until I opened my bag at the end of rehearsal. That was when I started crying. That was when Lauren went to get Maddie. That was when the rest of the late-stayers gathered around. That was the day I learned people cared. That was the day I met HER.

I began to explain to Maddie- and the rest of the cast members that had circled around me- that I had been getting notes in school. And that I had found the note I got today on my desk, and how I had forgotten about it till now.

Paul (he’s on our school’s football and wrestling but has a soft spot for the musical) looked at me and asked who I thought did it- threatened to beat up whoever it was. I said I didn’t know who, and to this day I still don’t know. Realizing that I didn’t want to talk about it anymore they all changed the subject. We girls started comparing bra sizes and Paul started laughing awkwardly.  That’s when SHE chimed in- she laughed ‘I’m 36C and growing!’

From that point on we laughed and joked around, one by one people started leaving- each hugging me before they left, telling me ‘hang in there’.

I was the last to leave, but probably the first to go to sleep. I finally had friends I could count on. Friends that I could actually call Friends.

I hadn’t had the best of luck with friends in the past- for all of elementary I had a friend who would pull my hair and twist my arm around if I didn’t do what she had said. Because of my bad luck with friends I’d never had a boyfriend either… at least I thought that was why.

The next day I was in the lunch line about to get my plate when SHE came up and hugged me, and asked how I was doing. I remember having butterflies in my stomach but not knowing why. We started talking until I got to my table “I messaged you on Facebook, you should message me back” She laughed and hugged me again.

I went online as soon as I got home, we talked for a while- checking in on how I was doing- and after about ten minutes we exchanged numbers. I texted Her all that night, then throughout the week, saying hi during lunch, chatting at rehearsal, then texting at home. That went on for a while and I recall having a gut feeling (about what I wasn’t quite sure) then one night I was lying on my floor next to a vent, we were texting as usual when She asked me what I thought about gay rights. I (of course) said I was for it. Then She replied asking if I’ve ever thought if I were Bi or Gay before. I told Her I have thought about it but wasn’t sure.

I had to go to church after that, I don’t even know what the mass was- not that I ever pay attention anyway- but I was thinking whole time about being Bi or Gay. Her question was burrowed into my mind, I had never thought about something like that.

On my way home from mass I texted Her quickly ‘hi’ was her response ‘what’s up??’ I quickly shot back. Dry conversation like that continued, I wasn’t sure what was going on. ‘are you okay??’ I asked Her.

It took till I nearly got home for my phone buzz; I looked down at my phone screen.

‘I’m Bi’