'when did it start?' that is the question i found myself asking. when did all of it start. when did all of the emptiness, and the lies and the bad habits start.
to answer that, i have to go back a long time. it sounds cliche, i know - hell knows i hate a cliche story - but it probably started when i was just a kid. the most powerful, painful feeling i ever knew was the grief brought along by a traumatic experience. i lost something that mattered to me.
what i lost was the only one i ever truly cared about. i was such a messed up child, even from the start, but he always forgave me. i wonder why. no one else would have.
the really screwed up thing is how easily i got over it. sometimes i still wanted him around, so i would have someone to talk to who didn't give me a judging look every time i spoke, but it did not hurt as much as it should have that he was no longer around. i guess i have always been cold like that.
a part of me blames my upbringing for making me cynical and bottomless. but i know i was born... different. most people are born with a hole in their chest, waiting to be filled. i was born with my emptiness welded shut. nothing can get inside. it is just a void.
YOU ARE READING
An Unhinged Life
Randomeveryone has a dark side but i don't even remember what the light looks like anymore. read and find out... [lower case intended]
