Forever with His Edith

Hurts Like Hell

AN: Hello! I wanted to give you a look into the head of someone we have all learned to hate. She may have become a monster, but her head was never really in the right place. This was hard to write so please ENJOY!

Shanie Morrison's (Eden's biological mother) Point of view 

She said "momma" before anything else. She clung to my side as a baby, my seemingly permanent accessory to every outfit. She was not happy unless with me. I may have even loved her, our perfect addition to a perfect family. If she wasn't such a rat, stealing everything I had ever loved, I may still have loved her.

I made a fucking mistake, alright? Maybe I shouldn't have fucked the man in my office. Maybe I shouldn't have given into my loneliness. Or tried to get some kind of affection from another man. But it wasn't my fucking fault Eden was born. And why did Adam leave me anyway?

Why couldn't we work it out just like everything else? Why did he have to rip out my heart and feed it to the wolves? Didn't he know he was my backbone?

No, you're wrong. He didn't leave you because he wanted to. That's right, he left me because she ruined everything.

I remember her shocked face as I threw her in the basement. The dark ringlets that she just had to fucking have to broadcast how different she was from everyone else, had become messy as she raked her fingers through her hair as a response to her fear.

She literally had no idea what she had done, can you believe that?

Her tiny voice begging to be fed, begging for a bathroom, begging for cuddles. Did she ever do anything but fucking beg?

Adam left me. He left my precious angels and left the bastard child that should have never been born.

He hadn't touched me in a year. He was always "so busy", always doing something for the kids, it drove me nuts. Did he know? Did he know about the man in the office? Was he punishing me? Should I tell him so he would just love me again?

Eden ruined everything. Sometimes I would sneak into her room as a baby with a pillow, trying to build up the courage to just do it. She made my husband hate me. She made me worried my marriage would end. If I killed her, would everything go back to normal?

Of course, when that happened, in the beginning, I'd bawl, terrified at what I was becoming. Who would want to kill their baby? Why did I want to cause her harm when all she wanted was constant love from her mother? Didn't babies deserve that?

After Eden was born, I remember not being able to get out of bed. I was exhausted and depressed, ready to give up. The doctor had said it was postpartum depression, that if I got some help I could be able to handle it. Adam's mother, Lois, had screamed at me, telling me I had three kids to take care of, Adam couldn't do it alone.

Then why would she ever allow Adam to leave me to do it alone?

I never got treated. I never got help. It wasn't my fault I wanted to kill my kid. It was Lois's fault and Eden's fault for existing.

When Mom came to visit, I almost laughed at the way Eden was acting. I had been beating her for a month. It felt so good to let all my anger out on her. I almost felt satisfied with the way she'd bite her lip to keep from crying. What was Eden thinking acting deprived right in front of me? She was asking for it, the bitch was always asking for it.

Mom had terminal cancer. Eden probably wanted "Gram" to take her home with her. Too bad for her that my mom would die before she ever got the chance. Too bad for me that, even though I didn't want her to go anywhere else, I still had the tiny monster under my roof.