Bottom Of The Bottle

"I don't understand why he's such an ass all the time." Amanda grumbles.

"I don't understand why he still has a job." Nick says, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"He beats the shit out of perps, he can't even do his damn job." Amanda says.

"Watch yourselves." I bark at both of them.

"Cragen--" Amanda starts.

"No!" I yell at them. "Elliot Stabler is ten times the cops either of you will ever be, combined! He does his damn job! That's more than I can say for the two of you, over here gossiping like old women! Stop it! You don't know his story, neither of you! There's a reason he's still here! And there's a reason he is the way he is! But if he wants to be a an ass, and if he wants to show up hungover, he will and you two won't say shit! Now get back to work!"

"Y-Yes, Captain." Nick stutters.

They both return to their desks and I go into my office, slamming the door.

I sit down at my desk, opening the bottom drawer.

I pull out a frame, flipping it over and looking at the photo.

Tears roll down my face just looking at it. God I miss her.

I shove it back in the drawer as someone knocks on the door.

"Come in." I say, rubbing the tears off my cheeks.

Amanda and Nick walk in.

"We wanted to apologize, Captain." Nick says.

"We were out of line." Amanda says.

I nod my head, gesturing for them to sit in the chairs in front of my desk.

"Yes. You were. If it were anyone else, you wouldn't be." I say. "I would have fired Stabler a long time ago if I didn't know him before everything happened."

They looks at me, slightly confused, but sensing that something mores coming.

I pull the photo out again, handing it to them.

They both look at it.

"The woman, her pictures on the wall." Nick says. "In the picture, she's in uniform."

"She worked here." I say, "The best detective I've ever known. The most amazing, passionate, motivated woman anyone's ever known. And the closest thing I had to a daughter."

"What does that have to do with Stabler?" Amanda asks.

"I'm getting to that." I say. "It's hard to talk about."

She nods her head gently.

"Her name was Olivia. Olivia Benson." I say. "Well, Olivia Stabler."

They look up.

"Elliot and Olivia were partners for a decade before they started dating." I say, "But they were in love. So in love with each other from the minute they met. It was obvious to anyone that was in the same room. She made him better. She made him more compassionate, gentler, kinder, she made him happy."

They both look at me, hearing the pain in my voice as I talk about Olivia.

"They got married after six months of dating and everyone called them crazy. Told them it wouldn't last. They were still young, twenty-nine. But I knew, I knew they would. I didn't believe in soulmates or destiny or any of that shit until I saw them together. It was something out for a fairytale. They were handmade for each other." I say, remembering their weddings, giving Olivia away, the decade of love and playfulness after. "They decided not to have kids. They were so happy together and after a decade of SVU, they couldn't bare to bring children into the world."