Anything for you

Hello everyone

Im sorry this isnt a chapter

I actually am announcing i wont update for a while even when i get an idea for the last two chapters.

I just am feeling really down lately. I cant even look at myself right now im so depressed.

I had to quit my job because of my injury. I got fired from my job after because i couldnt do the roleplay for phone calls in training.

Since i dont have a job i had to move back to my parents house. And there is a reason i moved out in the first place.

I am 20 years old now, turned 20 last month. I am a grown ass woman okay, i know right from wrong.

I dont drink or do drugs, well i guess vaping is a drug. Anyways my father for some reason thinks that im am out on the streets breaking the law. So i cant even be out late with anyone.

I cant even be myself here because my father is a major homophobe even though he says hes not. Im a pansexual i have two friends who are pansexuals, 3 female to male/male to female friends, 2 friends who are bisexual, 3 friends that are gay, and a friend who is asexual.

I cant see them because they dont want to come because of my homophobe father.

So obviously my family doesnt know this about me. To make matters worse my dad for some reason decided to tell me a "prank" he pulled on a guy when he was young becaise the guy is gay.

Guys

he trashed the guys car and stole from him.

That could have been me or one of my friends. And he thought it was hilarious he was legitimately laughing as he told me this story.

The sad part is i had decided i was going to tell them about me that day and that story changed my mind. It broke my heart to hear my father say this because that's basically how he feels about me.

And even though im pansexual i dont date. Actually iv NEVER dated, because my family my entire life has always made fun of my weight.

When i was in fifth grade we went to a relatives house for the fourth of july. They had an enormous pool in their backyard. I was at the moment alone in the pool because i had arrived already in clothes for swimming. It literally was regular clothes.

My cousin gets there and when he sees me he says "Hey you need to get out so everyone else can fit in the pool."

And it wasnt just my family guys my "friends" did too.

If some classmate made fun of my weight or appearance theyd just laugh along with the bully.

So my entire life ive never dated because i grew up believing im not good enough and im not worth being loved. So last year when i lost my best friend guys that nearly destroyed me because now i really am alone. I have no one.

Im really down in the dumps and i need to take a break from all of this. I dont even know what to do im so lost and i feel like i dont belong anywhere i feel like im annoying to anyone i meet.

Im sorry for my rant i hope you all understand why im putting this on hold.

Until my return
bye guys

Edit:
12/24/17 11:09 Am
Things have gotten worse