SOCIAL CASUALTY

40 3 1

by -bluesey

by -bluesey

Y/N was walking along the road. It was late. Her YOUR EYE COLOR eyes flicked across the road as the rain began to pour.

Y/N groaned. She had just been to the barbers and her YOUR HAIR COLOUR silky locks had been cut carefully into YOUR PREFERRED HAIR STYLE. If she stayed out in this rain all that work would be for nothing because she didn't have an umbrella. Luckily, there was a convenient bar right near her. Y/N darted inside. She shrugged off her jacket demurely.

A man was sitting at the bar. He had a hood pulled over his head and his face was in shadow. How sexy, Y/N thought. She sat down next to him. Sexily, the man pulled his sexy head up and his sexy eyes met hers. There was something sexily familiar about him, and she gasped.

"Matty?" Y/N asked. "MattyBRaps?"

The man replied sexily, "I haven't heard that name in... years."

Y/N blushed. "Wow," she said. "I can't believe it. You just vanished from YouTube years ago. You have no idea how much I missed your sexy voice covering Will I Am songs?"

"I'm a vampire," Matty said, in a very sexy tone of voice.

"Ooh," Y/N said. "Sexy."

"No," Matty said, sexily. "Dangerous." Then he sexily sniffed Y/N sexily in a sexy way. "But, Y/N, I can't resist. You see, I'm in love with you. You're my mate."

Y/N gasped, in a omg-Matty-B's-My-Mate kind of way, not an OMG-Matty-B-knows-my-name-what-the-HELL-is he-stalking-me kind of way. In fact, Y/N was not fazed at all when Matty got up sexily and punched the bartender in the face with his sexy fist. "He was standing too near you," he said.

Y/N did not think it was weird that Matty had punched a man for standing within 5 metres of her.

Suddenly, there was a crash. Matty screamed because of the sunlight.

"CONTENT COPS! Move out of the way!" cried the person who had bashed down the door. What a despicable person, Y/N though. Oh well, Matty will beat him.

"Who are you?" cried Jacob Sartorius, who had appeared out of nowhere on his magic sweatshirt. (It was like a magic carpet, except it was a sweatshirt, and occasionally it smothered people with it).

"I," the despicable person cried despicably, "am iDubbz."

"Oh no!" cried Tana Mongoose. "He's got his arm around me- I think he's choking me!" She was using her superpower: lying. A bunch of 12 year olds appeared and pointed to iDubbz, telling him to kill himself.

"It has come to our attention that you are all guilty of terrible content on YouTube."

"Why are you criticising me on my terrible content!" cried Leafy, covering his face with Tana's hand. "You, a 30 year old man! Hear that, everyone, a 40 year old man just told me my content was terrible! A 60 year old man!"

"He just threatened to kill me," exclaimed Tana. "And I have never been so scared for my life in my entire life ever."

iDubbz's trusty yet despicable backup team appeared behind him. "Sorry, bros, but you're about to be given the Dad treatment!" cried Ethan Kline.

"Never!" exclaimed Matty. Y/N hid behind him and hoped nobody would notice her.

"Well then, guess we're going to have to settle this.... with a DANCE OFF!" exclaimed iDubbz.

"Oh no!" cried Matty. "My one weakness! Good thing I learnt to dance in that one music video montage!"

"Drama alert," said Keemstar.

Y/N quivered in terror as music started to play. It's everyday bro (ah, that was Y/N's favourite song) blasted from mysterious speakers, or maybe Team 10 were actually in the conveniently placed bar. Y/N wasn't really paying attention, because Matty began to break out his secret sexy weapon: the whip. Things got pretty crazy. Nobody was sure what iDubbz was doing, except that it was definitely despicable. Maybe iDubbz would feature in the next Despicable Me movies. That would suit him.

iDubbz screamed and backed away, because Matty's whip-power was just that great, but then Jacksfilms appeared, carrying a stereo. He gestured to shut the music off, and then started his own. Dubstep poured out of the speakers and Y/N knew suddenly that Matty would not make it out of this fight alive. Especially as Jack started jumping around in slow motion like a crazed lunatic who was also, like, super cool. Matty fell down to the ground.

"Y/N, I, I, I'm pregnant!" he whispered, before he died.

Y/N howled in despair as the content cops left, dragging Tana Mongoose and Leafy in chains behind them. Keemstar had mysteriously disappeared.

Y/N howled in despair once more. She cried until 9:07pm because then she remembered that the new season of Rick and Morty had been released and she hadn't seen it yet.

Matty was dead. Nobody loved Y/N any more. Was this...... the reality of happiness?

AN - uh happy birthday ghostbustersVHS hope u like ur present 💓😩