I step outside and sway a little, clumsily grabbing my oxygen machine and pulling it as I walk so I can keep my lungs working half normal. The sun is out, but I can't tell how warm or cool it is as a result of being completely numb. From the drugs and phalanxifor and the loss of the love of my life. Not a very good mixture. I sigh as I stumble past a bunch of tulips standing straight in the garden and try and force myself to walk on. I think a little about my meeting with Peter Van Houten, and how alone he must of felt when his daughter died. I can understand him. The world is not a wish granting factory, as he would say, but I'm 17 and have cancer, so I get that, seeing as I have a touch of the cancer, but then to loose my boyfriend and general soul mate to it? I think that's pushing it. I see girls my age walking around I short skirts and tops and heels, whining about their boyfriend or not having enough money. But those bitches don't have to have their lungs drained of fluids every two months, or watch their friends slowly die away plus having the person that meant most to her, beside parents obviously, die a slow, painful and most embarrassing death right in front of her when there's nothing you can do but watch them crumble. Then you have to live on and that's the worst battle.
I walk on, sadly no car was coming, and groan. It's starting to become a little sunnier but I can feel the heat beaming down on to me. I feel a little sick. I pat my stomach and massage it in a forceful way; hoping it'll bring me a little peace. I'm at Isaacs door now, and I rap on it softly because I don't have much strength left in me. I hear the soft bleats of a dog and scampering and paws, and then I series of loud footsteps thudding down the hallway. I eye the gravel pathway and see that his family have gone out. As the door opens I see Isaacs new puppy( cancer perk) run towards me goofily. Isaac himself looks rather smart, but not Augustas smart. He has his favourite salmon-pink shirt on and blue jeans.
"Hello Hazel from support group. I hope you are well enough. Well, well enough as you can be with cancer" he grins and spreads his arms out. I step into his hug and say
'You know I have gotten so hot since you last saw me. It's crazy."
"I don't doubt that." He says and steps backwards to face me. That takes me back and I sort of gasp. I know he's probably just being friendly but it's still a bit...raw? I mean, forgive me if I'm wrong but the great love of my life had recently lost his life as being a side effect of the monster that is cancer and has been sucked into the inevitability of oblivion and he's saying I've gotten hotter? I clutch my stomach and move on because I don't know what to do.
I stumble into the living room. The Perks of Being a Wallflower is paused at my favourite part, near the beginning when Charlie meets Sam and Patrick for the first time. I sit right down and un pause the TV, not even waiting for Isaac to come in. Which is mean. I mean for one he can't see so it's going to be hard to find his way. When he finally does he's got the puppy in his arms. He sits down and tickles the dog behind its ears.
"What does he look like?" He says to me, looking(or should I say moving his head up?) to glance at me(which he can't).
"Hmmmm big, grey, large sharp teeth and a bald patch. Why?" I say, trying to be deadly serious. I see him flinch then grin, which makes me laugh.
"God I love your laugh hazel. It sounds beautiful." Isaac says. Which I think is nice, but Gus would of settled for something a little more unique. But then I click back into place and remember what isaacs just said. I force a chuckle nervously and move around a bit on the sofa. Isaac slowly walks to the door to the kitchen and I see him rub his face slowly as he walks in.
The afternoon goes quite quickly, we play a few video games and watch a few films, and I am acutely aware all the way through that Isaacs knee is bumping against mine every few minutes. I feel a little unsettled and I don't know what to do, is Isaac just being a freind and means nothing? Am I overreacting? Or is he seriously trying to lure me in? My mind buzzes with thoughts and I can't stop day dreaming and thinking endlessly. As I focus out of yet another say dream of what I would be doing if Gus was still alive, I catch Isaac staring at me. Well, staring no, seeing as he's got a little situation with having no eye balls attached to his head, but his head is towards me. He senses me looking.
"I know you're thinking about something, Hazel. Something serious. I can tell, the mood changes." He smiles a little as he says this, and relaxes back.
"You're that good, huh?" I reply, trying to force a laugh into my voice. It doesn't really work. I end up trying to cry silently because I don't want Isaac to know I'm still upset. A few seconds later, Isaacs eyebrows are knitting together and he gets a crease in his forehead. He holds out his arms and envelops me in a massive hug, squeezing me so I can barely breathe. I try to calm down and think rationally; that I shouldn't be doing this, it's not right.
