Tears of Fanfiction

Part 1

 "Aliyah?" 

Aliyah looked up at the sound of her name. She had been working on report at the computer. April was in the same room, reading a book. At least . . . she had been. Now she was looking at Aliyah, waiting for acknowledgement.

"Yeah, babe?" Aliyah asked. She was a little worried. April hardly ever interrupted her. And there was this . . . Look in her eyes. Like she was hovering on the edge of being shattered.

"Can you . . . Come sit with me?" April requested timidly. 

Aliyah still had a page left, but of course her girlfriend was more important. And it wasn't due tomorrow anyways. She nodded, going to sit next to April. 

"What's wrong sweetie?"

Her poor girlfriend looked terrified. She opened her mouth to answer, but nothing came out. She closed it, swallowed, and tried again. This time, there was a small croaking noise. April buried her face hopelessly in her hands, looking like she was on the edge of hyperventilating. Alarmed, Aliyah put her arm around the quivering girl and pulled her close.

"Its ok," she breathed into her ear, "you can tell me anything, promise.  I love you."

Aliyah felt April relax fractionally, and her breathing slowed.  

"But why?" April managed finally.

"Why?" Aliyah asked bewildered.  She was sure she'd heard wrong.  

April sat up, disentangling herself from Aliyahs grip. "Yes, why?  Why do you love me?  I'm not all that pretty, and I'm awkward, and I either talk too much or I clam up and can't say anything at all, and you have to deal with my mood swings, and-"

Shaking her head, Aliyah regained her senses.  She cut April off mid-rant, pressing her hand over her girlfriends mouth.  April glared at her for a few seconds and then her expression became wary.

"Do you want me to answer?" Aliyah asked calmly.

April crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows.  Aliyah took that as a yes. She removed her hand from April's mouth, half expecting her to burst into her tirade again. To her credit, April remained silent, waiting.

"Look," Aliyah began, "you're nowhere near as awkward as you think you are. Plus, any awkwardness you DO have is endearing, not off-putting."

April blushed.

"And," Aliyah continued, "you say you're not pretty? Well maybe society wants you to think that you look like a donkeys ass, but you are MY idea of perfection. Your mood swings are definitely not as bad as you think they are, plus you always apologise when you go too far."

At those words April dropped her gaze, looking down.  She was terrible at receiving compliments.

Aliyah wasn't done. 

"I love you because you're okay with PDA, and you love snuggling, and because you make us eggs when you wake up first in the morning. I love listening to your ranting, and I love hearing about fandoms I didn't know existed.  And that's only a bit of it."

Aliyah just couldn't understand how April could doubt her.  Had she done something wrong?

April threw her arms around Aliyah and buried her face in her chest. "I'm sorry." She mumbled.

Aliyah stroked her girlfriend's curly hair. "Its ok. But c'mon now, I'm putting you to bed." She got up, taking April's hand.

April rolled her eyes, but came along willingly anyways. "What am I, seven?" She complained, already turning back into her old self.

Aliyah waited patiently on the edge of the bed while April put on pajamas and brushed her teeth.  She came out of the bathroom in a T-shirt that belonged to Aliyah.  It was long enough that she didn't have to wear pants or shorts with it, and it had a picture of an owl with glasses on the front.

"Are you going to read me a story?" She asked sarcastically.

Aliyah grinned.  "If you'd like." Then her expression sobered. "But we should talk first."

Aprils face took on a pleading expression as she climbed into the queen sized bed. "I swear, it was just a momentary thing.  It won't happen again. Well, it might, but probably not for a while."

Aliyah brushed a curl out of April's face. "I'd just like to know what caused it.  You were hyperventilating. On the the edge of a panic attack.  Can you see why that worried me? Was it something I did?"

"It definitely wasn't something you did." April rolled on to her side, facing away from Aliyah. "You're going to laugh," She warned.

"I promise I won't." Aliyah persisted.

"...I was reading a fanfiction." 

There was a long silence. 

"...An angsty one."

 Obviously, emotional writing brought out quite a strong reaction in her fangirly girlfriend.

Aliyah exhaled. 

"April, you won't scare me off no matter how messed up you think you are.  I know about the mental illness and the therapy and that your parents kicked you out.  And those are just the big things.  I also know that your favorite color is lilac and that you're a moaner."  She winked.  "Anything else I should know?"  

April rolled onto her back. "I'm into some pretty kinky shit."  she blurted without thinking.  The moment she said it, she wished she could disappear.  Her cheeks were burning like hot coals.  

"Okay," Aliyah said after a pause. "I can work with that. Definitely."

"You're not creeped out?" April turned her head to peek at her girlfriend, gauging her expresion. Aliyah looked like she was struggling not to laugh.

"I am, as you put it, also into some pretty kinky shit."

"Please tell me you're not a sub," April blurted out before she could stop herself. Her cheeks went even darker. "I mean, um. If you are it's fine, I can do a pretty good dom if I have to, n-not that it would be a burden or anything!"

"I'm not a sub," Aliyah spoke over her rambling girlfriend. "It's okay April, take some deep breaths."

April shut her mouth immediately, inhaling sharply.

"Should've guessed," Aliyah said fondly, "you're so good at following directions."

"I only listen to your directions," April told her. "They make sense. And- I . . . trust. You." 

She exhaled.

"I know that was hard for you to say," Aliyah said. "And I'm proud of you. Thank you. I trust you too."

April pulled the blanket over her face and mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like, "You shouldn't."

Aliyah decided to ignore that for now. They could work on April's horrifically low self-esteem later. Right now, they needed to sleep.