What I Really Feel

The One That Got Away

Andrew was a strong man. Not physically but mentally, that is where the root of the problem began. His physical appearance never meant much to him, but to others it seemed like he was a disgusting, putrid waste of life. Scrony arms, acne all over his face, not to mention he looked 12 in a 20 year olds body. No one paid much attention to him. In fact no one ever even got to know him, but he tried to figure out himself. That's where the loneliness kicked into gear and the tears started to shed. He realized no matter how much he loved being alone, human contact and response was a key part of life. Andrew was intelligent, wholesome and cunning. A yes man with a heart of gold that everyone took for granted. Andrew thought to himself one day, "Why, do others seem to use me for my belongings? Use me for what I have not who I am?" Never ending questions with no underlying answer.

Andrew was always one to keep his mind busy, it distracted him from what he felt most, pain. Pain was always lingering. No matter how hard he tried to distance himself he always ended up back in the same shoes. Never to find an answer to what was never even really a question. He pondered in his mind for days, months until years came along and he had no other choice. To deal with that which was right inside him the whole time.

Andrew decided to end the pain, but how could he do it? In fact, what was this pain in the first place? It was simple, the love he felt for others, yet the rejection he received so much transformed into an overwhelming sort of anguish and agony. With no where left to turn he made the decision. He knew the cycle of life. He had gone around it more times than the dryer spinning in cycles.

Andrew got in his car and started to drive. The windows down the music blasting. For hours it seemed he drove around, but was merely only a few minutes. He got to the end, a cliff. He saw what was below and he backed up. Andrew, now sweating, tensing up, mind racing, knew what he must do. With his foot on the gas and his eyes shut, both hands on the wheel and screaming at the top of his lungs, he drove until, gravity took his place. Plumoiting towards the ground, he opened his eyes only to realize, the mistake he had made. He left everyone else behind, now, with the pain inside of them.