She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain

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by ZephyrWolfPaw

by ZephyrWolfPaw

How We Know It Today:

She'll be coming 'round the mountain
When she comes
She'll be coming 'round the mountain
When she comes.

So ... she's coming ... we're all really excited about it ... can't we just leave it at that? Please?

145494_v1_mobileGettyJust imagine this, but with six white horses instead of a few diseased donkeys.

What It Actually Means:

Everybody is going to die. Like, tomorrow.

Some theories argue that the song is exactly what it sounds like: celebrating the arrival of a supply train. Others believe it's a metaphor forMary Harris "Mother" Jones organizing coal miner labor unions. But the real origin is even darker: "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain" is actually based on a slave-era spiritual called "When the Chariot Comes." The two songs share the same melody, structure and even some lyrics -- the iconic "when she comes" chant is present in both versions.

Notably different, though, are original lyrics like "King Jesus, he'll be driver when she comes" and "She'll be loaded with bright angels when she comes." "When the Chariot Comes" and, by extension, "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain," are both songs about the Rapture -- the day when Jesus comes back to earth to play favorites. "She" actually refers to the chariot he'll be riding down to bring about the End of Days. You know, like how we give boats and cars feminine properties -- this is the same thing, just for Christ's big ol' Rapturous Red Flyer.

145495_v1_mobile
If you're going to end all life on earth, you might as well do it instyle.

So there you have it: That merry old-timey prospector song your kids are singing out in the yard is actually rejoicing about the imminent death of all humanity. Why don't you go outside and explain that to them? Maybe the kids will be so taken with your mastery of trivia that they'll stop calling you "Becky's Weirdo Downer Dad."