The room was silent.
Silence scared her.
Her demons waited in the shadows.
They waited for the sun to set.
The dark would pour through the windows like tar. Once it touched her she couldn't escape its grip.
On many nights she cried herself to sleep. Only to wake up again and never fall back into that dark world of nothingness.
China didn't know what was worse. The carcinogenic world she lived in, or the fake world she dreamed in.
Both were poisonous.
China had never felt love, mainly because she had never been loved. And anyone who told her otherwise was a liar. They only 'cared' because it made them feel better about their own lives. Made them feel something. Some meaning to their already meaningless lives. It was fake and China knew it. She had realised it a long time ago. She was sick of being the charity case of other people's lives. But she knew she wouldn't do anything about it. Why would she?
The world was nothing to her. So pointless and vague. She carried on living her life with no meaning. But she wanted meaning.. Badly.
She didn't even see the point of hurting herself anymore. Like everything else it was too pointless. But maybe that's why she did it. A pointless person living a pointless life, and doing pointless things. It all seemed to fit nicely. Nicely into her little life.
The people around her had no idea. She didn't tell. Not even the ones she trusted just that little bit. They never saw the bigger picture of China's life. She had a scar on her upper lip from where she had tried to fall down the concrete stairs near her Nan's apartment. She told everyone else who bothered to ask that she had fallen over in a park.
Oh the lies China told to keep people busy with their own lives.
There were very few scars on the outside, but on the inside every scar had a scar of its own. She didn't really know how she came to be like this.
The charade she would play to keep people content.
The smile that she used over and over again, was beginning to crack to show the real person underneath.
People thought she was happy.
Oh how they were wrong.
China lay awake at night thinking. Her whole world stopped. And they started talking. The voices. Whispering incessantly.
Taunting her.
Mocking her.
As China drifted into her sleep she hoped that they'd leave her alone. But they followed.
They always followed.
Her dreams were full of dark thoughts.
To China nightmares didn't exist.
China's nightmares were her dreams.
Then he would appear. The one that almost comforted her made her feel okay. He would block out all the whispers and dangerous thoughts.But like all the others he too would soon leave her.
China woke in her bed.
They started whispering again.
