“Jade. JADE. You’re alive.” My mom snapped her fingers in front of my face, causing me to blink. “Jade! Wake up, sleepyhead!”
“Mom, I assumed I was alive…” I said. My throat felt soar and it hurt to talk. “Thanks, though for the friendly reminder.”
I looked down at my arms, the ‘lizard’ still on my left wrist and the IV stuck in the right arm. My stomach felt empty. The back of my head felt sore. “What happened, exactly? After I drank the... um…”
“Toilet bleach. Highly toxic. Well, the school janitor called an ambulance. She pulled you out of the bathroom stall.” My mom messed with the bottom edge of the cream colored blanket. “I dropped everything and came the hospital. I was so scared.”
“Are you mad?” I asked.
“Baby, no. I’m just confused. I don’t want you to ever feel like life isn’t worth living. I love you to death. Just- I’m concerned. I’m not sure I want you in a mental hospital.”
I sighed. “I’m terrified of going to a ward. I mean there might be some seriously crazy people there. I don’t know why I did that to myself- I promise you I don’t need to go to one.”
My mom closed her eyes and shook her head. “I’m thinking an RTF might be a better idea. They seem like they might be useful to you. There’s one here in Pittsburgh that I have heard great things about.”
“Will you try to keep me out of going to a hospital?”
She nodded. “Anything. I want you to get better. But I don’t think it’s going very well at home. I feel like you might need to be out for a long time, until you can learn to be happy. I don’t want you to try to kill yourself again; I mean this is the third time…”
“You don’t have to remind me.” I said.
“By the way honey, I got a message from your teacher, Mr. Staggs. Apparently you misbehaved in class yesterday.”
“Is it the third?”
“Yes.”
“Have you been gone since you found out I did it?” She nodded. I frowned. “Oh mom, were you up all night?”
“I fell asleep in the waiting room.”
I paused. “What did Mr. Staggs tell you?”
“That you made some ‘personal comments’ suggesting that he had fears of death. I don’t actually know what that means to me. But it sounds pretty bad. Please honey; try better to control your words.”
I blinked a couple times in a row.
“Why did you feel the need to say something like that, honey?”
“Oh I’ve been really fed up with all the guys in the world. I feel like guys always let everyone down. Why is everyone I hate a dude?” I said while looking at my glossy black nails. My left index finger has a tiny chip in it. “It’s just been really difficult.”
“I know. I know; believe me, I know. But I also know that you can do much better than that.” My mom gave me a soft look.
“Yeah. It’s stupid.”
“While we’re on the topic of boys, does Juno know about all this?” I shook my head. My mother asked “Why not?”
