How do I even begin this....
Go back to the third chapter. The one called "Suicide". I was asking for help, and now that I look back and read that chapter, I realize my urges weren't even that bad... compared to a few months ago.
Back in march I started having these horrid thoughts of ending my life. Every night I would cry and cry. I would just think " Go take the razor out of the shaver and end it all". That was my life for a few weeks and then it happened. I decided that these thoughts were unbearable and I decided to kill myself. As I was slicing at my arms I didnt feel anything. You would think someone would be in incredible pain both phsically and mentally, but no. I felt absolutly nothing. a few minuets later I started to realize that the blade was not sharp enough and thought about my choices. " just keep trying'', " just forget about it and roll up your sleeves", But the one thought that really had me thinking was " tell mom and see how it plays out, you can always try again."
I went to my mom'sroom ( it was currently one in the morning may 4th ) and woke her up. i started crying, showing her my arms and her reaction is the worst i have ever seen her. she had so many emotions, disapointment, anger, confusion. she got out of bed and embraced me. my sister had woken up at this point and walked into the room and asked whathappened. she saw my arms and was terrified. we were rushing downstairs getting ready to go the hospital. as we were driving to the hospital my sister kept asking my " do you promise you won't do this again?' and to tell you the truth, i didn't know. we got to the hospital, the put us in a room blah blah blah. i'll just spare you some time. I went to a psych ward and ive been revovering since.
So... that's where i've been. i'm sorry mom, quianna, and all my friends who would have been wondering where did everything go wrong. I'll make a more deatailed chapter of my adventures in the hostpital i was at if you guys would like. Sorry for the spelling mistakes but i can't re-read this, it's too hard. this is way more personal than i'd thought and to be honest, im bawling . Thank you for reading and have a lovley rest of your day.
