M is for Melody (Old)

Epilogue: October

Nothing could convince me otherwise; I wouldn't trade our outcome for the world. Well no, I'd probably trade what happened and rule Earth if I could, but figuratively, I'm eternally grateful.

October was my friend. I know that much. Even though he's gone, my mind still sometimes tricks me into thinking he's still the old ragdoll on my dresser, waiting for me to play the violin again. He was always thoughtful, if extremely creepy, and though he was selfish, in the end he was noble. I commemorate his efforts with a hearty ache in my heart whenever I think of him. Every time my mind conjures his image, I'm instantly sobered. I should have done more to save him, though I really did all I could.

But then again, if he didn't disappear, I might still be wrapped in his plot and dying slowly. I might not be here even today. Everything would have shifted, and everyone would be a slightly different person.

Just thinking about being different makes my stomach ill, so I'll be happy with what I have now.

After I said yes to Ellie, we've begun to hang out more often. Of course, I'm always way too oblivious to tell when the mood changes, and am always caught off guard whenever he kisses me. But that's alright, I suppose. Surprises are nice if they turn out good. Wendy always makes this strange and obscure facial expression when she comes with us to places, like she knows something we don't or something.

Wendy recently decided on a path for college. She wants to be a journalist and travel around reporting odd events that happen. A writer's career is something I support wholeheartedly, so we've started this blog type thing where we find occurrences in history that have been overlooked and write about them. It's kind of like a bonding exercise except it works, and I really enjoy it.

Ellie is saying he wants to enter the movie business. He wants to be the director of one of those stop motion animations someday, and I find myself admiring that goal. Though I'm pretty much useless at math, I promised I would design his clay models if he needs me. Art is one thing I can do.

There was a new student, Liz, that moved to Ann Arbor a few days ago, and of course Wendy adopted her into our little family. She's in my Art class with a fresh new teacher named Mrs. Lipke. Liz is a smart honors student with dyed blonde hair and a perpetual questioning expression. I like to call her Lizard because of this shirt she wears. She kind of awkwardly and quietly listens to us talk about nonsense in the halls (Liz doesn't have lunch with us), but I know she'll come around and open up. It happened to me and then Ellie, after all. Wendy has a way of getting you to open your locked doors and express who you are in her presence. She makes us braver.

October made me braver, too. I think everyone would've liked him if he stayed longer. I told Wendy he moved away again, but Ellie knows the truth. He listened to the disk, after all. But I don't actually think he grasps the entirety of the situation, though who can honestly expect others to? It is a lot to ask, throwing away a little common sense and reason to accept an otherworldly fact about life and its inner workings. That's just how it is.

I'm still wondering what to do with my newly saved life and what I want to dedicate it to. As someone who comes off as very sure of herself, I'm having trouble accepting this turmoil. But I know I have to think long and hard and not put October's sacrifice to waste. Whatever I do, I want to do it well. I want it to have meaning and weigh heavily on someone's shoulders. I almost need to express whatever I choose onto strangers I've never met and see what they think or if they'll change because of me. I have two years left of High School, and I'm certain I'll figure everything out by graduation. But for now, I'll settle for pondering and thoughtless meandering and word exploration. Anything to dispel the shroud of normalcy that clings to every corner of this earthly world.

I think I'm done wishing for greater and more fantastical things. I'm going to search for everything interesting here, in my own world, and see what captures my attention. After all, those have been sitting in front of me this entire time. I was too busy musing about fiction to notice.

I suppose everyone is going somewhere. And I can thank October for being able to experience the bittersweet change. Even though he endangered me, despite the fact he was selfish and desperate, I still forgive him. Because in the end he did everyone right besides his being. That is the most noble and admirable thing I can think of.