Fangirl Feels [BTS Scenarios]

jh - me and you again

jhope as jurien
you as lyka

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L Y K A

jurien had been really distant lately and i thought that maybe we could have a night-out for ourselves and i don't know, maybe - communicate. i understood completely to why he had been really busy; out all day, working all night and there was never time for me and him to bond and just hang out like we used to always do. when i'm asleep, he's awake and when i'm awake; he's already gone and there was never time to talk about stuff that doesnt even matter nor make sense but who's to judge? that's what normal couples are supposed to do and he's not even a father yet! how would he be when he's already got children? he'd be busier that i have to be the only one raising kids and that he'd be more hectic than now and worse, he'd never see his children grow nor will our kids ever know him. the company was pressuring him, and he's stressing himself out and i haven't even seen him for a couple of weeks that it might be months already although he's been coming home and sleeping beside me, and i don't even feel him hug me or something. when i wake up i'll find cards on the table or sticky notes pasted on the fridge with his ever so familiar cursive handwriting, saying sweet greetings or simple nothings that was very sentimental to me and i just hoped he'd be able to say those words and not just write them repeatedly.

10:47 pm

i sat down in the middle of the sofa, watching A Walk To Remember and hoping to catch him get home and probably talk about how life's been. i don't even know how he's been doing so far and i'm supposed to call myself his 'girlfriend'. but, i don't know. is he gonna be home tired and worn out or maybe he has this hobby of telling me all the wonderful things and negative things that had happened to him that day and just talk there even though i'm asleep. but, what if he doesnt really do all those things? on second thought, i was nervous, yes i really was. what if we get awkward with each other? what if he's not gonna be interested with what i wanna let us do? what if he rejects me?

and then all of a sudden, my thoughts were interrupted by someone abruptly slamming the doors open. i turned my head around, putting the popcorn aside.

"jurien?" i questioned. i wasn't even sure if it was really him. last time i have seen him his hair was still blonde, and his eyes were still shining, his body would be dancing in pure joy and his lips would always curl up to a smile. but what i see in front of me is a guy with jurien's face, a brunette hair and a plain expression.

"lyka." he uttered, not giving off signs of excitement into finally having a talk with me. what happened to him? didn't i matter, somehow? is this what society did to him? fukk yah society!!

"can we talk?" i requested, this statement giving him some feeling i'm sure that he doesn't like. he looked frustrated, exhausted and anxious. why would he be? i mean, i'm supposedly his girlfriend and is supposed to be the first one he talks to about anything, not the last one to know about it.

"look, lyka, i'm really tired and all. i have to sleep, i need to be early tomorrow." he explains as he loosened his tie and tried to climb up the stairs and i just let him. i knew he'd never care and that i'm somehow just a waste of time. why did i even think of trying to talk to him when he's already prevented himself? why did i even have the slightest bit of hope that he'd kiss me again and tell me he loves me more than anything in the world?

"fine." i muttered under my breath and grabbed the popcorn i was eating before and continued watching the movie. it was about a boy who fell in love with a girl whom he promised to never feel love towards; but who was to blame? we all feel that way. and so this girl's father was against the guy since he knew that this boy that his daughter was in any connection with, was a notorious juvenile delinquent. but he was going to change, for the girl. and, i wish jurien would do the same. risk even just 10 minutes of his work, and let us catch up with everything we missed with each other. jurien's never ignored nor neglected me in any way, this wasn't the jurien jung that i fell in love with but it's still him and his flaws and i'll learn to get along. even if i know he'd miss probably 3/4s of us being together but at least i'd still be his and i'd still call him mine and mine alone. at least, i was the first one to see him smile genuinely, to hear his sincere laughing and to know what he really was when we were younger and innocent.

i didn't even know he was there until he touched my cheeks and brushed away my tears that i couldn't even perceive if it wasn't for his perceptable tactile. i diversed away from his touch and i saw a slight pain run across his eyes and i wasn't sure on how to react.

"why are you still up?" i asked him rather coldly as i sat farther away from him. "what's wrong with you?" he replied with a question. well you wouldn't be asking if you had just spend a lot a time with me.

"so that's how people communicate nowadays, huh? one asks and the other replies with a question that's completely off topic. well, i'm sorry. i haven't been in a conversation since - i don't know, maybe when my goddamn fuck of a boyfriend began shutting me out of his life!" emphasis hinted on my words, still not focusing on him and the noise of the movie was even starting to get worse even though the volume was already on 5. i'm still calm at this state and you'd rather not see how i am when i'm at the edge of exploding.

he inched closer to me but i only moved away from him since the sofa was long and had a lot of space left for me to move. he stopped at his tracks and looked down, fiddling with the beige hems of the sofa's sheets. he looked as if he was gonna cry, from the frustration and all and i didn't know why i had placed myself at the very top of the pile of his burden. i stayed cold, at least that's what i feel like i'm doing even though i only kept staring at him because that's the only plain reason i can get to be closer to him, to the slightest. that's when i felt guilty, for making our first conversation into a fight. i should be telling him every pain i feel, not make him look bad.

i was gonna apologize to him, say everything is alright and that we should just forget about what happened and sleep. at least that way, i saw him for probably the last time and we were somehow peaceful. but i was interrupted by his angelic voice.

"i'm so sorry because i've isolated myself from you and that i've never get to enjoy my life with my princess and that we moved in together to see each other everyday but all i did was avoid you unconsciously without being able to say those words that i write to you everyday." he confessed, my tears on the verge of falling and i just couldn't handle all the emotion that was built inside of me. he shouldn't be sorry, i should've tried to understand deeper than this.

"i love you so much, lyka. please do know that." he tried to not let out tears but failed as i looked him straight in the eyes, my body shaking as to what he just said. i should've been a better girlfriend to him. i didn't love him for him to be always by my side, i loved him because even if he's not there, it feels as if he's been there with me. i didn't love him for his attention, i loved him because he always catches mine and that i couldn't even get away and i don't even try to. i didn't love him so he'd always understand me, i loved him because we're both a complicated innocence like a baby's eyes.

he tried to hold my hand but i covered him with my embrace, chocking on the little sobs that wished to escape from my throat. he hugged me tighter, and it felt like i was back home to where i feel safest and to think that jurien is and always have been my home.

"i'm so in love with you, i hope you know." i said to him as he kissed me. passion and longing was there in every inch of it, and i was smiling in that kiss because for how long, his lips were still perfect on mine and will always be.

"i'm gonna do this with you every night, from now on." jurien slightly laughed with me as we pulled away from each other, foreheads still attached as we pant away the exhaution. so we let everything fall to oblivion and snuggled up to each other and watched the movie together until we fell asleep inside each other's safe haven.