The Mind of Taylor

Bathe in Wine

Why should I smile? Life is just a test of how much bullshit you can take, torturing you physically and emotionally, prey on the weak and tear down the strong. Tonight I run away from those problems as I fill the tub with warm water. Here was my safe place, a place where evil could not hurt me. The clear liquid and I are much alike; like water I to was invisible yet important. Breathe, I touch my wet, brown body and let go all of my pain. My once clear water was now filled with my red poison. I cry but there is no tears, no sound, almost like I am trapped in my own mind. Soon I feel myself sinking, fading away to a place I can finally be free. My razor dances across my arms and legs then I go under bathing myself in all my sadness. I even taste my thick blood as I swim in the strange wine. Close to the end, my body fully relaxed and my mind gone,  I felt like I was floating. Is this what death feels like? I wouldn't know because tonight was not my time. This confused me but the message was clear. Me, Taylor, was not yet ready to die. I hopped up, my scars still leaking so I bandaged them. That night I thought about all the lives I took, was it even their time? Who cares though what's done is done, no regrets. Maybe the pain I feel is the small bit of guilt in my cold black heart. Perhaps it's not my time because life was the real punishment. Spending life seeing but not knowing love, pretending but not feeling happiness, and living without really being alive. Not even self harm could break my numb spirit, I feel nothing, and  care for no one.