Depression

Culture shocked

A village boy who first stepped into the world with no boundaries. Well not really. Imagine just being over the top. Then things are out of control. It happens so fast. It feels like time are getting faster and faster each day. You can be in college laughing with your friends and the next thing you know you're graduating. I didn't even have the chance to feel how graduation is. Another month will be it. Well if I live to tell the tales. Standing proud, thinking I would be able to achieve eternal peace. For myself at least. Just one step and I'll be able to forget about everything. Bring no regrets and anger. All gone. Just pitch black. I imagine that's how it's going to be when we die. I see that as eternal peace. And I know I'll be happy with just pitch black. Silence has been my friends since I was in primary school. Friends are just a label I see to comfort the people who couldn't be by them self. Always need someone in life. I'm way over that. Before I'm standing here I once fell in love with a guy. That I thought he's the one. Putting so much trust in him. Expecting him to do the same.

At least just a little. I've gave him all. Everything. How we met are so coincidence. Never expect to see the love of my life there. He work in the convenient store right at the corner of the pavement. I rushed to the store to take shelter from the heavy rain. Standing there soaking wet. Waiting for the rain to stop, not so soon. He just came out of the store. Offer me towel to dry myself up. I look into his eyes and I see future together. His smile are everything about him. I imagine, it's not that bad at all that's it's raining today. To be able to meet this guy of my life. It's always a silent love we have between us. From that day on, I went there most of the time. So I'll be able to see him. His smile are so addictive that it feels like I'm under his spell. Well I guess I am under his spell. Or else I wouldn't be standing here now wouldn't I ? What happen you readers must be curious. Let me tell you what happen.

I came back from work, as usual. Tired. Exhausted. Name it. As I get down from the cab. I saw him. Walking along the pavement. I'm so glad that I saw him. So happy for once I can see such a friendly face. The moment I walk towards him. There's another lady. Or that'll be fine if she is a real lady. It would bother me less. However, I know something's not right. My perfect guy is not so perfect after all. I've invested my feelings. For him. Who said you'll never have a crush on a stranger ? Who said you'll never fall at first sight ? Well I did.

Maybe you think I'm so naive. So childlike where I am easily fall for someone that I hardly know. Expectation and curiosity really kill. I went up to my room. Rush into the elevator with disappointment. Pressed 18th. Slowly it went up. So much to handle in mind. I walk in despair towards my room. I notice someone is walking behind me. It's him. It's really him. Walking towards the other way. To his room. I thought that's it. He just meet his friend. Nothing's wrong with that. I decided to just stand at the corridor. Admiring the city light. As I notice he's looking towards me. Who knows, few minutes later. He went down again. With her. With that lady. It crushed me that they went into his room. And never to be seen again.

I trust him too much.
And now I'm standing here.
Thinking of how cruel the world is.
How it change me through time.
The wind rushed between my hair.
How peaceful it is to just stand here at the edge.
How beautiful it is.
I've decided.
I'm going to move forward.
So I did.