soulmates ↠ min yoongi

↞ six ↠

Once again, my night was filled with sleeplessness. Not even the sleeping pills were working this time. I debated going to the park again but decided against it due to the fact I had no energy left after my exhausting day. I blame my restlessness on Yoongi. Earlier, I wanted him to completely disappear, yet now I find myself waiting for him to contact me. Without thinking I end up checking my phone every five minutes, hoping to see his number appear on the screen. Yet it never came. The feeling of defeat washed over me, and eventually, I decided it was hopeless. Even if he did text me, he'd just be rude and arrogant again.

I felt a tear trickle down my cheek and silently splash onto the pillow, creating a wet patch. The memories of my mother came into my mind. After all, she's the reason I'm in this situation, my mother is the reason I cared so much about finding him. For most people, meeting their soulmate is not a big deal. However, I spent every day daydreaming about my future soulmate. I imagined him being strong, protective, caring, handsome. Everything Yoongi was not. I remember my mother always telling me that one day I'd finally find the man of my dreams, the guy that I was destined to be with from birth. At first, the idea repulsed me. Why should I let the world decide my fate? Why can't I just choose my own partner?

However, as I grew older and became more insecure, the idea made me feel safe. Whenever I used to feel lonely, or when I had a bad day, my mother would always lightly hold my wrist out for me to see. "See this?" She said softly, "This is pointing right at the man who will protect you from harm, it's leading you to the person who will take care of you and love you until the day you die. Don't you see? Somewhere out in the world, there's someone whose heart is only filled with love enough for two ladies. His mother and you." Her voice reminded me of soft bluebirds singing in the morning, immediately relaxing me. "Doesn't it feel nice? To know that someone out there was born to love and protect you?" She would ask me from a very young age.

This idea became my security blanket. It was the one thing I held onto when I'd lost hope. I remember racing to the hospital, tears streaming down my face. Only to arrive at her room just as the heart rate monitor slowed to a halt. I remember crying over the railing of her bed, softly whimpering for her to come back to me. Wishing for her to suddenly wake up and reassure me everything was going to be okay. With no one around to comfort me anymore, I clung to the idea of a soulmate, that there was still someone out there who loved me.

Every morning when I wake up and hear the soft whistle of a bird's song, I'm reminded of my mother. Every day I turn on the news and hear about a car accident, I'm reminded of my mother. Every time I glance down at my wrist, I'm reminded of my mother. Every night I spent wide awake, crying softly to myself because there's no one here anymore to hold me close to their chest and remind me it gets better, I'm also reminded of my mother.

Bittersweet memories.

I guess I could blame all of this on her. If it were Lisa in my situation, she would've sworn at him, probably even shoved him a little, and stormed off without a care in the world. But my mother set me up, she raised my hopes so high, promising me that I'd meet my "prince charming, the best man you could ever dream of." As much as I want to continue to lie here and sob, as much as I want to blame it all on my mother. I can't. It's not her fault. She probably assumed I'd be paired with a better man.

There's a part of me that wants to let him go, to forget about him. I wish I was strong within myself and able to find happiness without someone to love. But I'm not. What would my mother advise me to do if she was here? Would she tell me to persevere, and remind me that somewhere underneath his cold exterior lies a soft, sweet man? Or would she tell me to leave him behind, to find confidence in myself? I closed my eyes tightly, causing more tears to flow out, only increasing the area of the wet stain on my pillow. I begged for my mother to give me guidance and help me make the right decision. I was so lost without someone to guide me.

Faster than lightning, I snapped out of my daze and leapt for my phone when I heard the notification tone.

  +82-1-963-2002 
The total price to fix 
the screen of my 
phone is $150.

All this time I'd been waiting for him to text me and this is how he greets me. All the sadness was suddenly replaced with pure rage. Perhaps it was because I'm so tired, or because I'd just truthfully had enough of his behaviour, but I didn't feel like being nice.

I'm not paying that
much if you're so
famous surely you
have enough money
to pay for your own
phone.

Sorry, but is it my
fault that I had to be
paired with such a
clumsy girl? Pay.

I also believe it's
not my fault I was
paired with such
an arrogant, rude,
disrespectful, idiot
was it?

It took Yoongi about five minutes to reply, which I considered odd because he seemed to reply within a second of receiving my last texts.

Gosh, is that what
you really think of me?

That hurts my heart

I'm sorry

I didn't mean to be rude

I'm just nervous since
I got paired with such
a beautiful lady

All the resentment I had stored up got whisked away. I didn't mean to hurt his feelings. I thought that such a cocky guy like him wouldn't even blink an eye at me getting mad at him. Maybe he was different to what I thought. Without knowing how to reply I began to type a message saying sorry before my screen lit up again.

Is that what you
want from me?

Seriously, don't make
this difficult. Just give
me what you owe.

After receiving that last message I threw my phone down on the floor and turned over to fall asleep. All of this bickering really made me tired. Even if Yoongi was the rudest person I'd met, I owe him for helping me finally get to sleep.