Silence - Andy Fowler

One

All my friends think I'm living such a lie but the lie they think I'm living gets me high - McBusted - Air Guitar

I'm writing a book because apparently it will help me 'Let out my emotions in a calm and controlled way.' That's what Lisa says anyway. I don't like Lisa though so I find her opinions invalid which means I don't have to listen to them. Lisa is my councillor. She always wears the same leopard print scarf and smells like cleaning fluid. She has a wonky eye that makes her look like she's always really focused on the door next to me. Lisa doesn't like me either. She gets angry at me because I don't talk to her. I don't talk to anyone. I don't see the point. I don't have anything to say to them. I don't talk to Lisa. I don't talk to Paul, my social worker. I definitely don't talk to Rob and Jacqueline who are my 'parents' at the moment. That's what they keep saying. They keep calling themselves my parents. I've only lived with them for four months and I don't intend to stay much longer.

I never stay with families for very long. I went to my first family when I was eight. I've been to eleven families in my life. Sometimes they get rid of me. Other times I run away. Sometimes I creep them out with my lack of talking. I've been kicked out of four families because I 'creeped their kids out.' That was always nice. To be kicked out because some four year old that stuck Barbie shoes up their snotty nostrils was scared because you stared at them for a few hours. Six other times, I ran away. I knew my way back to the children's home from pretty much anywhere in the country. When I was thirteen, I managed to get the train all the way from Exeter. It took me about six hours but I got back.

That leaves one time. The worst time. The time I regret. I was living with a young couple named Jenny and Michael. They had an eight year old son named Alfie. Jenny had given birth at fifteen and always gave me long talks about not doing the same as I was fourteen at the time. One day, Jenny and Michael went out for the evening and left me to babysit Alfie. I think Jenny and Michael were my favourite parents as they treated me like an adult and almost made me confident enough to speak to them. Whilst I was babysitting Alfie, he came into my room and hit me. I sat and stared at him for a while.
"How come you never speak, then? Are you like... Special?" He asked me. I shook my head at him and rolled my eyes.
"Yeah you are. You're a little freak. No wonder none of your other families wanted you." He said. I stood up to hit him but stopped myself. He ran out of the room and stood on the landing. I followed him.
"Where are your real mum and dad. Oh wait... Your dad killed himself, didn't he? It was probably your fault. He probably couldn't cope with a daughter like you!" Alfie sneered. That was when I pushed him. He stumbled backwards and went straight over the bannister. To make the moment even better, it was just as Jenny and Michael walked in. Alfie's injuries were pretty severe and I ended up spending six lovely months inside a young offender's prison. The worst six months of my life.

Alfie was right. My dad did kill himself. My mother died in childbirth. My dad knew that it wasn't my fault but I don't think he ever really loved me too much. When I was two months old, he killed himself. To be with my mum I guess. For some reason, I still blame myself. I don't know why. I was too young to even speak, never mind save a man with a steadily declining mental health from suicide. I know that he would have been a good dad. Better than any of my other parents. I've seen photos of my real mum and dad so I can make up plenty of stories in my head about us being a family and going to the beach and having family dinner together. But they're stories. I'd give anything for my real parents to come back.

Another reason that I am writing a book is because Samuel said it would look cool. Samuel is the only person that I ever talk to. He's my best friend and has been for two years. We met when I transferred to Thornton Grove after my time in the young offender's. It took Samuel two months to get me to talk to him. That's the quickest I've ever spoken to anyone. He was so patient with me. Which is something that none of my families or councillors ever have been. Samuel is my best friend for lots of reasons.
1. He is kind
2. He doesn't give up on me
3. He makes me smile which is something that nobody else does
4. He listens to me
5. He makes me feel confident
There are a lot more reasons but five is a good number of points to put in a list. Samuel has had a crush on me since we met. I've never really had a crush on him, though. He says that he doesn't mind and we can still be best friends. Samuel is five feet and eleven inches. He has blonde hair and very large glasses. He is quite skinny which means that he is not very good at hugs but that's okay. He is very funny and a very good singer. He told me that writing a book would make me look cool and that would make people less afraid of me or less intimidated by me. I don't like that I scare people. So here's a book.

My name is Lou Parker and this is Silence

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Welcome to this new book! I hope you enjoy reading the story of Lou.

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-Emily xx