The last of my tears fell from my now puffy eyes before I came to an abrupt stop. Realizing I'd reached my destination I furiously wiped them away; suddenly angry with myself.
"Stop your bull-shitting Smith. This is no place for your worthless tears to be shed on," I managed to muffle to myself, a fierce tone slipping out from my dry, parched throat.
Settling my eyes on the view in front of me I began to stride over to the edge of the cliff, stopping a good foot away. My nerves almost instantly calmed as the scent of the ocean breeze littered through the air, finding its way into my stuffy nasals.
This place brings back so many memories. Memories of him, my dad.
Whenever things weren’t going good, when the road less traveled by led him to another bump in the road, he came here. There were very few times he'd bring me along with him, but I never took that for granted. The time I spent with my dad meant the world to me.
When we were together he wasn’t just dad; he was a friend. I didn’t have to worry about being ‘Daddy’s little Angel’ when I was with him. I was allowed to be me, not the person I was expected to be.
Of course, being eight at the time hadn’t given me enough time to figure out who I really was. Heck, I barely even knew what I would be having for dinner those nights.
Even with that being said, he allowed me to embrace whatever I was feeling at the time. Of course, he disagreed with many things I said and did, but that didn't change anything. He always took a chance to look at things in my point of few, too. It was amazing how effortlessly he could walk miles in my shoes. He understood me in a way no other person could.
I whimpered as a series of unwelcomed memories began to flood my train of thought., my knees giving out from underneath me the more I thought of him. At a moment like this, I didn’t want my dad; I need my dad. Pulling my knees to my chest I rested my chin upon them thinking about the current events that had happened all in a matter of months.
The fact that I'd nearly rolled off of the cliff only seconds ago seemed to take no toll on my unruly mind. If I was lucky enough I would have fell to my death. As ungraceful as it may seemed the thought alone brought a corrupted smile onto my drained face.
As I sat there, deadly still, I began to think, “What would dad do?” I mumbled to myself. Half an hour later I’d come to my conclusion. Dad would try to make everything better. No, he wouldn’t try, he would succeed at it.
That was the difference between the two of us. While I always – and still do – tried, he succeed at everything he did. Dad was that type of guy who would do any and everything in his power when he set his mind to it; something I could never do.
“Trying isn’t going to cut it,” I spoke fiercely. "I’m not going to go on knowing nothing will ever be the same no matter how hard I try.”
“I’m not going to on,” I repeated to myself, inwardly laughing as my dad’s words played through my head.
“Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.” He said. “Don’t ever quit on God Leslie. Never quit on God.”
It's funny the way life works, you know? My dad had told me that hoping I would never end up like my deceased cousin. He implanted those powerful words in my head and made sure that they'd never leave and God just had to fire him.
Was he not doing his job? Was he not doing it well enough?
That man was a damn good father and husband. He still would be if he hadn't been fired from his job, from his life.
If those words would've come from the lips of anyone else, I would've laughed in their face because without the memory of my dad, those words now mean nothing. Just like what I mean to everyone else in this hell hole we call Earth; nothing.
“Sorry daddy,” I spoke, standing up to brush the dirt off my bottom. “Sorry God. I would’ve given you a two week notice if I knew things would’ve come down to this." A laugh escaped past my chaste lips at my failing attempt to make a joke.
"I’ve got some things to do, but I’ll be back tomorrow, that's for sure." I said all the more serious than before. "I’m sure that will be enough time for you to find a replacement.” Taking one more glance at the ocean view before me I dragged out a long breath of air.
Turning on the heels of my shoes I began heading down the steep hill, quietly singing the lyrics I knew all too well.
“If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late, could you say good-bye to yesterday?”
(Hi! For starters I think it would be in my best interest if I asked would anyone please mind contacting me so I can learn the ropes of Wattpad? Athlough my profile clearly states I've been a member since 2012, other than the past hour, the only other activity I've ever done is read the After series on this website. Other than that please let me know how you all feel about the story so far. If there are any questions or concerns please feel free to ask. *CRITISIM IS WELCOMED 100%*)
