Just A Broken Thing

1

I've been thinking of yesternight and how I felt laying next to you. How I wanted to love you and how cold you felt. How I was hoping that maybe we could put aside all the drama and hurt and hate that we feel through the day, to make our night one of union and clarity and peace. So we didn't have to go to bed angry at the world, angry at each other, at ourselves. So maybe we can remember what it feels like to have a raw connection, a base to build off. I wanted to love you to sleep. I wanted to hopefully make you feel the burning love inside me, I wanted to make you understand. But my body can't do that, I can't do that. I looked at your sleepy and saddened face laying next to mine and I wept inside. I wanted to make you smile, I wanted to hear your laugh resonating in my chest. A part of you within me. I looked back up at the ceiling and oh! Just my luck, you wanted to sleep then and there. You turned away from me and it grew dark and cold. "I'm going to sleep, goodnight", then silence. You had left me there in reality. I couldn't control my urge to please, my need to please you, this craving for that raw connection, I wanted to feel you squirm in pleasure at my touch, to know that I affect you as you affect me. I reached for your lap and traced my fingers up and down. I knew you were still awake and I hoped you'd let your defenses down, but too late! My fingers found their way to your waistband and plucked at it, easing- nevermind. Your solid elbow to the head let me know that you didn't want the same yesternight. I quieted my yearning and looked to the ceiling, not wanting to infringe on the boundary you set. I knew I couldn't do that, you haven't been liking it as of late anyway. Before the dark settled in my mind, I said I was sorry and I love you. Goodnight.