Love Sick Fanfics of the juicier kind

Last - Make it count

[The night Phun and Noh go to Bang Saen in the novel/drama]

Bang Saen (Goodbye)

What do you say when you know it's the last time before you can't say it anymore?

What do you do when you know it's the last time before you have to let go?

What do you feel when you know that you'll have to refrain from feeling those things from now on?

I honestly don't know.

But I guess you need to make it count.

As we cling to each other, both of us crying by now, it literally feels like my heart is breaking.
Phun is quietly sobbing against my shoulder, I can feel my shirt getting wet.
As for me, I'm crying harder than I can remember ever doing, bawling uncontrollably like a little kid.
I should be embarrassed like I normally would, but this is just too much - I can't take it, I'm just falling apart. Knowing that it'll all be over in the morning... it feels unreal.

   But there really wasn't anything to start with. This is just stolen time, awaiting the unevitable.

We knew it'd come. But why does it feel so unbearable?

Phun slowly lets go of me and takes my head in his hands, gently, like he he's afraid I'll break.

He wipes away the tears from my cheeks and kisses me lightly.

I respond to the soft, bittersweet kiss tasting of salty tears, while wrapping my arms around his neck tightly.

If we really have said all there is to say, there is no other way to convey to each other how we feel.

It's like we've reached a silent understanding. Neither of us speak.

It feels like the kiss lasts forever, like both of us want to store it somewhere in the back of our memories, deep down.
   We don't even break free when we fall on the bed - our mouths are like a lifeline, the only way we can stay together at least for this single night.
   This is so different from the last time - the other day was a rush to the head, sprung from the temporary courage caused by the alcohol.
It was exploring, ecstatic, exhilarating. Letting our desires win over reason and our bodies do what they craved.
Until it was over, there were no feelings of despair nor guilt, there was only us two.

Tonight, the presence of Aim is in this bed with us and for her sake, we will have to let go of the one thing we don't want to leave.
When the morning comes though, that is what has to happen.
   But I'm going to be greedy one last time. I won't give Phun back until morning.
So I kick Aim's ghost the hell out of the bed.
This night is mine. I'm going to allow myself to be at least that selfish.

Our bodies are as silent as we are - the kisses are deep, yet soft and we touch each other lightly and tenderly. Just feeling the other.
Savouring the moment, trying to imprint every small detail of each other, every single touch precious enough to remember forever.
   We help each other undress and then glue ourselves back together, unwilling to separate even for the smallest amount of time.

The sounds of the rolling waves and the light whispering of the palm leaves in the breeze, form a background music, quiet and gentle.
This would be the most romantic setting ever, if the night just wasn't so sad in it's predestination. But whatever. Now is now, tomorrow is tomorrow.
Because Phun is here with me right now.