Until I remember

Before

I would really love to introduce myself but there's nothing to really introduce well my name is Matthew Black, I am 17 and I am a senior that's all I can say because that's all I can remember....I got in a really bad car accident last year which led me to lose my memory.

I sometimes have these glimpses of my "past" or how i was before, which I really don't believe because it feels I am having a glimpse of someone else's life so I just push it away this is my life now, and I have to create new beginnings.

School is the place where I can escape from home, but it's my hell too.

I was walking through these hallways trying to get to my English class I was already 15 minutes late, so I was running to get to my class. First class was English.. oh god how i hated that class, when I got there I tried to sneak in so Mr. Edward couldn't see me while he was writing something on the white board but he did. I knew I was fucked..

"Why are you late ?" I stand in my place in silence, I couldn't say anything I just stared at the white board behind him avoiding eye contact.

"still waiting for an answer, or how about detention what do you say?"  I felt everyone staring at me I didn't know what to say i was so bad with talking when i am in situations like this, I started getting nervous.

"Well..I guess detention it is, go take a seat, I don't want to waste my time dealing with you" And I went straight to my desk but before I sat down someone whispered quietly, it wasn't clear but i knew what he said.

"Oh.. hey gay boy" I recognised that voice at once I knew it without even looking it was the one and only Andrew Smith the popular "bad boy" in this school that hooks up with every girl/boy he see's and dye's his hair all the time and the only boy that i feel so connected to even tho I never talked to him..i think..and i am so deeply in love with him...

—detention

Why should I be going to detention if I haven't done anything wrong I was just late, I walk into Mr. Edwards class and try to find an empty seat away from everyone.

Right behind me was Andrew "Well hello there mister" Andrew says as he shoves me to one of the desks and then go sits by the seat that was the only available away from everyone.

Why is he always mean to me, did i do something wrong?, I don't get it, did he hate me before or this is just all new?, my eyes begin to water, why am I so attached to him why does his words affect the most?

— Matthew's house

As i walked in colby my dog jumped on me  "hey baby how was school" my mom says as she comes and kisses my head 

" The usual " i reply

"Okay hun I need you to go to the kitchen I made you a snack to eat before you take your meds, i'll go out for a while okay?"

I nod and walk to the kitchen and took the plate with sandwiches and side fruit to my room and sat down on my bed and started eating after that i called Ashton, my best friend, my only friend.

"took you this long to call i have been waiting for an hour and twenty two minutes..and 10 seconds !" Ashton says as soon as he picks up

"Sorry i got detention" i say

"ohh someone has been a bad boy" he chuckles "Open your window"  and i do as he says. Ashton lives next door so we hang a lot he told me we used to see each other everyday before...before my accident.

"Hey matt, did you take your meds?" he says and knew the answer without looking at me, he went took my pills and handed them to me and i took them.

we kept spending the evening talking about random things and then we watched a 90's movie because they are the best and the only movies i seem to like, It was time for Ashton to leave and I hated it but I have to get used to this, my mom calls me for dinner and i went down stairs, my father was sitting in the dining table looking at his plate, I get so nervous when i am around my dad and i don't know the reason why.

I sit down and start serving myself food and started eating quietly, I sometimes think that my dad hates me because he never saw me when i was in the hospital i never heard or seen him, i have found about him months later for a while i thought i had no dad..i still feel that, my mom said he was just adjusting to what has happened to me... the accident but i know its something way bigger i can feel it the first time i saw him, he came to me and mom introduced us, everything started getting blurry and I couldn't breathe there was something wrong i didn't know what.

Sometimes i think that maybe he is the reason i was in that car accident and why i can't remember anything, there has to be a reason why i feel like this every time i am around him.