Flavors of the Month

Flavors of the Month: Intro to Series

Chapter 1

December 26, 2015

There were 28 candles on my birthday cake last night, but that's only because my friends couldn't scrounge up three more.

"Hey, Cyn," Kim laughed as she plunked a dollop of frosting on my nose. "Weren't you supposed to be married with three kids by now? Wasn't that the plan?"

The emphasis on that last word is like a knife in my ovary. Sixteen-year-old me had been a bit cocky when she showed up at lunch one day and dropped a manifesto on the table for my two best friends to see. Simply titled The Plan, it outlined what I was going to do with my life and when I would do it by. This wasn't some whim. I'd really thought this shit out.

And, to be fair, I hit almost every goal in The Plan on time or ahead of schedule. Am I currently the owner of a successful chain of ice cream parlors? Yup. In fact, there are currently 11 Sinfully Good locations throughout the Valley (Phoenix, that is) and Southern California. Do I own my own condo in Scottsdale and a vacation home in San Diego? Yes and yes. Am I married to the love of my life and somehow still skinny after having three of his children?

Well, I'm still skinny, anyway. Which really comes in handy for those rare getaways to the beach house. Speaking of which- mental note- must make time to get back to beach house.

It just turns out that achieving the career parts of The Plan kept me a little busier than I thought it would, and no guy was ever able to keep up. There were contenders along the way and a few times when I thought I might have it all, but then the economy tanked and it took every ounce of business savvy in my five-foot-eight inch frame to stay afloat. Lucky for me, people going through a recession tend to eat their emotions, and my flavors are incredibly soothing.

So there I sat last night, hyperventilating as I tried to blow out all those candles, and realizing that Kim had a point. In my uber-focused career path, I had completely let my love life fall to pieces. After a few (read: 5) celebratory shots of Fireball later, a new plan came to mind.

"Well, for starters, I'm going to stop sleeping with Carter," I announced.

"I'll believe that when I see it," said Meg, who had a right to be skeptical.

For the past 3 years, I've enjoyed a friends-with-benefits arrangement with a guy I met at the gym. I blame that Justin Timberlake movie, but it really has been beneficial for us both. We've managed to keep things casual while he gets through med school and I conquer the world of dairy deliciousness. He's even one of my most trusted tasters for new flavors, but that's mostly because he likes the way the ice cream tastes on my...

Well, anyway, it doesn't matter what he eats the ice cream off of because that's going to stop. Tomorrow. I mean, a girl needs birthday sex, right? Carter was on call last night, but he said he wants to stop by tonight to say hi and, as he put it, "let me blow out one more candle." I'll have to remind him that the birthday girl shouldn't be required to give a blow job, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

So, yes, no more sleeping with Carter. That's obviously got to happen. The rest of the plan still seems a bit crazy to me, but Meg and Kim seem to think it's brilliant. Let's see how it feels without a Fireball-induced fog.

1. I will date one man each month next year, starting in January.

That gives me five days to find someone on either a dating website or the old-fashioned-in-person way. Shouldn't be too hard once I tell them it has to end after 30 days. Although I probably shouldn't tell them about the next stipulation.