Unreliable Daddy

Comedic/Semi dramatic Monologue

Lisa, age 13, speaking to her "best friend" about her day

Oh my god! Today was the worst day right? I mean first period that idiotic boy who wears moose sweaters and too small sweat pants that look like yoga pants ran in to me and spilt my vanilla latte all over my brand new cashmere sweater! And when I called my daddy to pick me up before I died of embarrassment, he just said tough it out because he was in a meeting and still mad at me for spending five hundred dollars on a pair of shoes!They were so worth it though... But do you even know how hard it is to get any sympathy from him? He only ever tells me to go "tough it out princess", and only when I bring up his girl friend does he give me any money! It's no fair! And this morning, I woke up and smiled for the first time. Do you know why? Because as soon as my sloppy, ungrateful, no good maid brought me breakfast, I opened my laptop to find that my daily horoscope was: Your day will be filled with adventures and gifts. I should get my daddy to sue daily horoscope.com because NO! Here I am sitting on a filthy, poor people bus where everybody probably has AIDS and you- wait Shannon? Oh my god!! You weren't even listening to me! I'm finding a new best friend... Or my daddy will buy one for me.