Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun

-- Summer --

"Lissie, don't think I'm weird." Cliff slowly brought his tanned face to meet mine, giving me time if I wanted to stop him. His dark, soul searching eyes closed as his lips brushed against mine. My hands were balled up in my long, white t-shirt until he unclenched them and locked them in his. We both heard the footsteps that belonged to Cate. He backed away, his eyes lazily opening, a smirk on his face.

"Felicity! What are you waiting for? This is our first sleepover of the summer!" My best friend Cate said, tugging on my hand. She dragged me downstairs to watch some silly romance movies. I was more into those movies that leave you screaming and gave you nightmares for the next week or so. The movie started and Cate sighed happily, munching on salted popcorn. I, however, couldn't focus on Zac Efron. I was too busy thinking of my kiss with Cliff.

Cliff was what most people would call an uninspired, lazy, good for nothing boy back in his teenage years. He was always getting drunk, the police finding him passed out on the side of the street. He didn't care about school, he hardly went. He cared about girls though. I remember he would always be with a different girl when I went over to Cate's. But since I was young, I didn't really think anything of it. It wasn't until junior year, when his father developed cancer that he changed. He stopped going to parties, stopped drinking, stopped bringing home girls, something in him snapped for the better. He got good enough grades to go to college two years later, when his father had finally gotten rid of the cancer. It wasn't until this phase that I developed a huge crush on my best friend's brother. I couldn't tell her, after her telling me that Sailor and Hannah tried being her friend just so they could see Cliff. I kept it to myself, not wanting to rifle her.

I was upset when he left for college, thinking he wouldn't come home often. He proved me wrong though, and drove home monthly to see his family. It was the end of his sophomore year when I finally got the nerve to talk to him about school. It actually went a lot more smoothly than I would have thought and eventually Cate kicked Cliff out, yelling that he was hogging her friend. He shot me a wink as he left leaving me breathless. He started working that summer at the local diner across the street from my favorite park. That was also the summer when I lost my boy figure and started growing curves. Most girls were flaunting them around town, but I was embarrassed by them trying to cover up and wishing I had my old body back. When he went back to school in August, he had decided to major in education. He always had a way with teenagers, even though he was only a couple of years older than them. He just always knew how to relate to them, never judgemental towards them. Again, he came home for the summer. He looked mature, with his Paisley shorts and stubble running across his strong jaw. I had matured too, my blond hair long, my face had lost its chubbiness, and my curves had grow a lot more over the course of a year. I couldn't cover them up any longer, so I just let them be which turned out to be the wrong thing.

"You don't know how to handle those big knockers, do you Lissie?" I remember Cliff asking, ogling my chest. My face bright pink, I mumbled something and ran into the safety of Cate's room not repeating what Cliff had said.

Even though his comment was not something I loved, my crush on him grew to out of control levels. Some of the boys in my grade asked me out, but I always turned them down saying I had my eye on someone else. I never felt the sorrow and pain they did until one visit home, Cliff brought home a girl. She looked nothing like me, her hair a dark glossy shade of brown, her eyes almond shaped, her body very petite. I cried nonstop for the next couple of days, my heart broken. They left after their break was over and the next time he came back, she wasn't even mentioned. He finished his last year of college as Cate and I finished our junior year in high school. He had successfully gotten a job at our local high school as a ninth grade English teacher. Today was our last day of school, but Cliff had been home for almost a month. And during this period, he had been flirting with me nonstop, grazing his hard body against mine, whispering comments about his sister causing me to laugh and her to glare. I thought he was just giggy, happy to be done with school, but I guessed wrong. His kiss made my skin heat up and a bubbling feeling developed just under my stomach.