To Actually love

Okay, that´s it, now Harry definitely feels like going to jump off a cliff, so, he drinks the last of his shot in one go and slam the glass down on the table, now totally glaring at them.

“Okay, mate, calm down” Harry feels the hand on his shoulders and his eyes leave the “couple”, just some meters away from him, to look at the icy blue ones his friend, Louis Tomlinson, owns. “Hazz, you have to stop that” he says, looking a little worried.

“I don’t know what you are talking about, Lou, I’m fine”

“Not clearly you are not, you are burning fucking holes on the back of Zayn’s head”

Harry sighs, okay, maybe he wasn’t being so subtle about his staring, but he just can’t help it, he is furious, he can’t believe Zayn could do this to him, it’s just been three months since their break up, and here that little fucker is, looking as gorgeous as ever and laughing with an ugly stranger, well, he is lying, the stranger is not ugly, far from that, actually, he is hot, not Zayn level of hotness (not that anyone can get to that level, Zayn still is, indisputably, the prettiest person in every room he steps into) but still hot, with brown puppy eyes and hair a cute sand color, and those fucking big biceps that get more defined now that he is lifting his arm and flexing it to touch Zayn’s arm, and it all seems so wrong, because that’s not Harry’s arm on Zayn shoulder, that’s not Harry making Zayn laughs right now, and it feels like a kick in the guts, like someone has taken his heart out of his chest and is broking it in front of him, but he forces himself to look away, again, and let it be, because, it is his fault that Zayn is not besides him right now, it is his fault.

“It’s just..it’s too hard, Lou, three fucking months I’ve been depressing over him, and here you have him, Mr. Perfect with a new man around his arm” Harry says covering his face with both hands, he need another shot.

“Here, take this” Is like Louis has read his mind because now he is pushing a shot in Harry’s direction “Harry, you are making early conclusions, we don’t know if he is dating that Liam guy, he didn’t say so when I asked him if he was coming, he just asked to bring a friend from work”

 Harry just hummed and takes his shot, the burning going down his throat easing the pain on his chest a little “I’m sorry, Lou, today is your birthday! This is your party! And I’m here ruining it for you! You have to go and dance with your girlfriend! Not being here hearing my bullshits”

Louis just smiles sadly at him “Hazz, you are my best mate, you are not ruining anything, I know this must be hard for you, just try to calm down, yeah? Drink, dance, have fun please!”

“Yeah, yeah, now go to your girlfriend please, enjoy yourself Lou!”

“You are gonna be okay?”

“Of course, silly! Now go!” He shoves Louis playfully and the later goes reluctantly, eyeing Harry one last time before going to his girlfriend, El, who is talking with some people in the couch.

Harry entertains himself looking around the house, crowded with people dancing and drinking around, Louis loves a good party, but doesn’t like to go clubbing for his birthday, arguing that it is so cold and full of strangers, birthdays should be spending partying with just friends, he says, that’s why every 24th of December he invite everyone to his and El’s flat, and mounts a small party, small in the people volume sense of the word, but filled with drinks, food, and music. Harry has known Louis as long as he has lived, living next door helping to build their bond, that’s why, this year, Louis has talked to him about inviting Zayn, saying he wouldn’t if that would make Harry uncomfortable, but Harry just say it was okay, Zayn is Louis friend, not as much as Harry but ever since they have met they clicked instantly, so he wasn’t going to be egoist and makes Louis decide like that, between them, a voice on the back of his mind saying that he would be actually very pleased about seen the raven haired boy again, after three months of unanswered calls and text messages. Now, sitting alone on the single couch, he is regretting his decision, he should have said yes to Louis, saying it would have been better to not invite Zayn.