Trapped

True Feelings

  WARNING: This chapter includes a suicidal theme. Please do not read if you are uncomfortable with the subject.

  Nyx dried his eyes with his gray pillow and finally stopped crying. He shouldn't be crying. He lied to Axum and hadn't told him the truth earlier. Everything would be ok if done so.
He let go of the wet pillow and set it back down behind him. Nyx's eyes started to fade back to black. They were glowing a furious white. He was able to get himself off his bed, his legs feeling like jello for some reason. He wasn't feeling so hungry anymore. Nyx realized he could've just eaten some of Bellatrix's glass snacks. He had some stored in his cabinet. But he ignored that.
  Nyx rubbed his arms. He looked down at the both of them, seeing old cut marks from previous times. He needed new bandages. But he ran out and forgot to bring some along the trip.
  He was cold suddenly. That's strange. It's not usually this cold in Fall.
Nyx searched through his drawer of clothes he brought. Purple shirts... Socks... Ah ha!
He found a rather large dark gray hoodie. It was the one Axum had given to him. It used to be his. Nyx scented the smell of Axum still attached to the sweater. He dug his face deep into it for awhile and finally pulled away for breath. He drew down the sweater on him and pulled off his bandana to stuff it inside his pocket.
He felt weird wearing it, thinking of what Axum would say when he saw that he still had it. He didn't care anymore. Besides, it would help cover his dull white scars on his arms.
  He grabbed his iPod and headphones from atop the drawer. He remember making himself invisible and stealing these two items when first coming to Earth. He laughed at the thought.
  Thinking of past memories helped him sometimes. It made him laugh for no reason. He plugged in the headphones and started to listen to some calm songs he downloaded. This one was his favorite. He hummed along to the song.
He put his hands inside his hoodie pocket with his iPod and walked out his room. Nyx felt like heading to the kitchen to say hi to anyone there. He checked his iPod. It was 10:30 now. That long, huh? He headed down to the kitchen to find one of his friends. He was half hoping Axum was there and the other half wasn't.
When he entered the kitchen door frame, he only saw Bellatrix and Marcus sitting at the kitchen counter. They both looked up when he came in. He took off his headphones as Bellatrix went to tackle him. Bellatrix swung both her legs around him making him struggle to stand. She finally let go and stood by herself.
"Where have you been??" Bellatrix questioned eagerly.
"Just slept in too l-late, but good morning, guys." Marcus nodded to him as he took a sip of Shickle juice from his weirdly shaped cup. Bellatrix smiled widely and started jumping up and down.
  "Ooh! We did a lot today!" She said.
  "Well, not exactly." Marcus corrected her. "We only spoke of plans to check that unfinished foyer for monsters."
  Nyx widened his eyes. He was fairly scared of the monsters. Who wouldn't be? But he was more terrified of them than normal.
  "T-then, uhm, who's checking the room?" He queried. He didn't see any sign of Axum, so he thought maybe it was him there.
  "Well, originally me and Bellatrix were going to go check it, but th-"
  "But then Axum wanted to be greedy and do the whole mission himself!" She pouted while she slumped back next to Marcus. She pulled over her hood of the pink hoodie she always wore. Marcus rubbed his hand in circles on her back, trying to cheer her up. "It's ok, I'm fine..." She mumbled.
"And what's weird is that it's already been three hours and he still hasn't returned!" He uttered. Marcus went back to trying to hearten Bellatrix back up.
"What?" Nyx's tail started to wag. "M-maybe I can go check on him?" Nyx suggested. Marcus faced back to Nyx.
"If you could? I know you two don't get along, but it would help if you did." Marcus politely asked.
Nyx nodded his head. "Of c-course! I-I don't mind, r-really." Marcus motioned a thank you as Nyx trooped back out the kitchen towards upstairs. The foyer, huh? That must be past the bedrooms.
  A few minutes and he was already in front of the room's door of which Marcus spoke of. Marcus had lectured him in where all the rooms were, so he gotten used to the Mansion easily. He felt nervous in seeing Axum. But at the same time he wanted to see him. I should take this opportunity to apologize again.
  Again.
  And again.
  One more time.
  This should work.
  I'll try harder this time.
  Today's the day.
  I'm so sorry.
  Nyx had drifted off to space, words filling his mind. He patted his cheek gently, "Get it together, Nyx..." He started to shake his hands by his sides, warming himself up before going in.
Stars, I'm stalling. He shook his head and clasped his hands on both his cheeks. "Ok, I'm ready."
  He reached his hand toward the door knob. He clutched it. Cold.
  He twisted it slowly and peeked half his face in. It was dark. Space Demons could thankfully glow in the dark due to their starry skin. It was a dark purple when Nyx finally entered fully.
  "H-hello? A-Axum?" He closed the door behind him and stood in front of the door. His eyes wandered to every corner trying to spot Axum.
  "Axum? I-I don't see you..." He stepped around a gray sofa and tripped instantly on nothing. He fell on the dark velvet floor and let out a small yelp. Nyx picked himself up and started rubbing his arms for no reason. He was caught off guard suddenly by a large mirror. It was so old looking... But very pretty as Nyx would put it. He was eager to touch it so suddenly. His eyes started to glow brightly, he could've blinded himself when looking at his white eyes in the mirror.
Instantly, a dark gray hand pulled Nyx in roughly. He stumbled into the mirror version of the room and rolled into the couch. He was upside down against the couch clutching his head as he was trying to process what had just happened. Nyx looked up to see Axum. His eyes widened and he hastily got back up. He stood nervously in front of the 5'11" tv head.

  Nyx wasn't quite looking Axum straight in the eyes. He was starting to sweat bullets. He lowered his head to look down at the ground. A habit.
"Look at me."
Nyx was growing scared.
"I said look at me."
Nyx slowly raised back his head and look into Axum's eyes. He gasped faintly. It was him but it wasn't. Axum seemed darker. His screen didn't glow it's usual pink. He just seemed...
Like a shadow.
Nyx's breathing was growing heavier. The shadow Axum stepped closer to him. He gripped Nyx's chin so he could make proper eye contact.
"I know how you feel." The shadow whispered. Nyx's eyes started to glow again.
"I-Y-You do?" Nyx had a scared feeling he knew exactly what the fake Axum was talking about. He knew this Axum was a fake, but seeing Axum like this was how he saw him sometimes. Dark. Making it harder to believe it was not real. Axum smirked. He leaned in closer next to Nyx's ear.
  "You feel for me." Nyx tried to shake his head in disagreement but unsuccessful with the tightening grip Axum had on his chin. "I know you do."
  Nyx closed his eyes that were starting to tear up. "I-I'm sorry that I do."
  Axum stayed quiet for a second and finally spoke. "I don't love you." Nyx's heart felt sudden pain. He gripped at Axum's hand that was starting to hurt him.
  "O-okay." Nyx murmured. Tears were starting to fall to the red floor. Axum threw Nyx hard to the ground. He let out a small cry when he collided against it. "I-I'm so sorry..." Nyx let out small whimpers.
  The shadow Axum kneeled down next to him. "Don't be. Isn't this how you always feel around me anyway? Too hurt and always apologetic? Nervous? Scared?" Nyx hugged his knees to his chest not knowing what to respond with. Axum stroked Nyx's face. It was cold and had no feeling. Nyx grew more cold and started to shiver.
Axum rose back up and chuckled. "I'll see you soon enough." Axum went over to the mirror and stepped through, disappearing.
Nyx only felt pain. He still laid on the floor but splayed out more. Nyx was staring off to the side from where Axum left. He put his left hand in his pocket and felt something sharp. Nyx pulled out a small glass piece that he had forgotten in his pant pocket. Tears were still falling down. He twirled the glass around in his hand, admiring it. He used his right hand to pull down the sleeve of his left arm. He traced over the small and long cuts, some crossing over each other, some in rows.
Just those four words...
  He grabbed the glass in his right hand and put it against his skin.
  "I."
  One.
  "Don't."
  Two.
  "Love."
  Three.
  "You."
  Four.
  He stared at his left arm, seeing the four new cuts. White bled from the four. It kept flowing and glowing. He laid it back down and looked up at the ceiling.
Thank you for being truthful, Alexander.

***
Having suicidal thoughts and or being suicidal or just hurting yourself is serious stuff. People in this world love you. They don't want to see you hurt. I know you may be going through a hard time, but just take the time to see the people that love you so. They would die for you. You probably mean the world to them. You could cause a ripple effect to all your friends and family. Please, if you do feel suicidal, talk to someone you trust. They can help you.