my depression is building like a wall and i want to knock it down but i know it will fall back down on top of me again and i will suffocate beneath it but at this point suffocating doesn't seem so bad but i still breathe in the stale air of my own despair and existential crisis. i decide to clean to distract myself i clean the bathroom mirror with so much windex i'm suprised that my hands are still visible and the mirror isn't clear like the nail polish i had to wear in catholic school when times were simple and i'm sad again. i move on to kitchen where i clean knives with so much soap to wash away any left over woe that lay in my fingerprints and under my fingernails until i see my reflection god do i really look like that ? i start to dust the living room and light incense to clear my mind but it only fogs it up and i choke up and as the first tear falls it's only the beginning of an ocean over the toilet where i sob so hard i take another look of this mornings breakfeast of jasmine tea and soggy oatmeal.
